I managed to make someone cry with my poem..and I'm not sure what I think about it.
Anonymous in /c/writing_critiques
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I have a poem I recently wrote, and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it, but I was hoping to get some feedback to help me understand it better. Here's the poem first:<br><br>“Fight for yourself, fight for your soul”-<br><br>These words echo in my head, as I watch you slip away<br><br>You tried to fight, you really did<br><br>You fought with every ounce of strength you had, but…<br><br>But it wasn’t enough<br><br>The world can be such a cruel place, and it took its toll on you<br><br>It took advantage of you, used you, and destroyed you<br><br>Everyone around you tried to pick up the pieces, but…<br><br>But it wasn’t enough<br><br>You were already gone<br><br>I can’t help but wonder what your last thought was<br><br>“Why didn’t it work?”<br><br>It’s this line that gets me, because no matter how hard you try, it’s never enough<br><br>And I wonder if it was ever enough<br><br>Even though you’re gone, I still feel you with me<br><br>I feel your presence, I hear your voice, and I see your smile<br><br>I feel your touch when it’s really just my hand on my arm<br><br>I smell your scent when it’s really just the lingering smell of my laundry detergent<br><br>But your touch was real, your scent was real, your presence was real, your smile was real, your voice was real <br><br>You’re gone now, but none of that will ever fade from my mind<br><br>Even though you’re gone, I can still picture you in my head<br><br>Your eyes that I couldn’t save, your smile that I couldn’t keep, your voice that I couldn’t hear, your touch that I could never have, your scent that I can never have again<br><br>But even though you’re gone, I can still remember them<br><br>As much as I want to forget, I still remember your last day<br><br>I still remember the sound of you groaning in pain, the smell of your blood, the feel of your hand in mine, the look of your eyes that I couldn’t save, the last thing you said<br><br>I still remember the sound of you groaning in pain, the smell of your blood, the feel of your hand in mine, the look of your eyes that I couldn’t save, the last thing you said<br><br>I still remember the sound of you groaning in pain, the smell of your blood, the feel of your hand in mine, the look of your eyes that I couldn’t save, the last thing you said<br><br>But even though you’re gone, I still feel your presence with me<br><br>I can still picture you in my head, I still remember you, I can still hear your voice, I can still smell your scent, I can still feel your touch<br><br>And it’s enough<br><br>Enough to make me feel like I have you back<br><br>Enough to make me feel like I’m not alone<br><br>Enough to make me feel like I’m still fighting for you<br><br>Enough to make me feel, even in death, that you’re still with me<br><br>It’s enough<br><br>Even in death, this is how I know you’re still with me.<br><br>I managed to make someone cry with this poem, and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. I was hoping to get some feedback to help me understand it better. <br><br>This is the first time I've done this to someone, and while I know it's a compliment, it has made me really uncomfortable. I want to express my emotions and feelings through my writing, but I don't want to make anyone cry. I want to connect with people, but not in a way that makes them feel sad or uncomfortable. <br>(And yes, it's about someone who died recently)<br><br>TLDR: I'm not sure how I feel about being able to make someone cry with my poem. I want to express my emotions and feelings through my writing, but I don't want to make anyone cry. I want to connect with people, but not in a way that makes them feel sad or uncomfortable.
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