Would you read this? Would you give me some feedback?

Hi, everybody! I just wrote a piece and I would love if you could critique it for me. This is the introduction to a young adult novel I am working on and in my opinion has some stuff that needs to be changed but I am not sure what. Here it is:<br><br>---<br><br>Eddie spent his whole life in the city. It was a big city - a city that was its own country. It was a city that was its own world. A city that spoke its own language. A city that was better than any city. A city that had the highest skyscrapers, the cleanest streets, the prettiest parks, the fattest pigeons and the most beautiful girls. It was a city that spanned 8000 square kilometers, taller than it was wide. The citizens of the city knew that their city was beautiful, and they didn’t care that the cities around them were dying. That was not their problem. <br><br>In the city, there were a million people. In the city, there were a million lives give or take a few million. A million people who worked. A million people who slept. A million people who ate. A million people who lived. Eddie was one of the million people in the city, and he lived in one of the city’s million lives. Eddie did what he was told to do. He ate when he was told to eat. He slept when he was told to sleep. He worked when he was told to work. <br><br>Eddie was 21 years old, but his life had been decided since he was 5. He lived in a small apartment on the 30th floor of a tower that was one of the highest in the city. The tower was shaped like a hexagon, with a cylindrical elevator in the middle and 200 small apartments in the outside. Eddie lived with his boyfriend, Nelson, and 195 strangers. Nelson was 19 years old and was the same as Eddie. But his life was different. Nelson got to leave the tower every day. He had a better job than Eddie. He worked in a restaurant in the center of the city. Eddie worked on the 60th floor of his tower. <br><br>Eddie spent every hour of his life doing what he was told to. <br><br>In the city, a long time ago, there had been a war. The city had won, but the other cities had to pay the price for the war. The price for the war was water. The city was the only city with access to clean water and it was the only city that could afford to produce water inside its walls. In the city, water was life. Life was work. Work was water. <br><br>Eddie didn’t have a life. Eddie didn’t have water.<br><br>---<br><br>This has been a strange concept for a while and this is the first draft of the first chapter. I would love if you could give me some feedback! Thanks in advance!<br><br>P.S: It is a dystopian story and the protagonist is gay just fyi in case it doesn’t come across that way.