Being called "gifted" when you're a kid makes you a complete fucking asshat as an adult if you aren't careful

Being labeled "gifted" as a kid is definitely the better deal than being labeled "slow" or "disabled back in the day (I was born in 1984). <br><br>But when I started looking at all these posts of people like "I'm 30 and just realized I'm not an idiot, I have ADHD! And it's not my fault that I can't do the things I can do." And I'm over here like "Hey. Yeah. Welcome to the fucking party. You're 30 now? You're fucking *lucky.*"<br><br>I got a test when I was in kindergarten, and then the school district decided that I should be sent to a school in a wealthier neighborhood because they thought I'd do better there.<br><br>Looking back on this when I was older, this wasn't because I was smart. It's because because I was white, better-behaved, and better-behaved and they wanted to diversify their population.<br><br>It wasn't until I got to high school that the truth began to set in. The other kids in my school were often the sons and daughters of doctors, lawyers, and other people in high-paying jobs. Most of them had grown up with private tutors and private coaches, help with their homework from their parents who were educated in the subject they were studying, and the best private facilities money could buy. My parents, on the other hand, were a truck driver and a janitor who worked full-time and couldn't afford to send me to the nice after-school program.<br><br>When the scores from the advanced achievement tests came out, they definitely solidified that fear. Everybody did better than me in every subject except for English. I scored highest in that, which meant I got put in the AP honors classes for those subjects. This meant that I got to take the AP tests, which meant I had to shell out a bunch of money my parents didn't really have. And I still came out with a fucking 2.<br><br>I was a fucking idiot.<br><br>The other kids were all going to the best colleges, and the ones who decided not to were because they had became tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars through a "summer job" doing some coding for a company their daddy owned. <br><br>The day that the scores for the SAT came out was the worst day of my life. I told my parents that I wasn't going to be able to go to college because I had scored so low. They came in to talk with my counselor, and he was trying to be diplomatic, because they were poor, and he was rich, and he hated people who were poor.<br><br>"Oh, well. We'll definitely be able to find her a good trade school somewhere." He said.<br><br>When I got back to my dormitory, I cried. "Trade school?" The fucking *shame.*<br><br>Less than a year later, the school district that I was in was one of several across Pennsylvania that was sued for passing white students through and failing the minority students.<br><br>I can't help but think that I wouldn't be in the mental state I'm in if I hadn't been labeled as "gifted." If they had labeled me as "average," maybe I would be more...I don't know, fulfilled or something. Like, I'm fine. Why am I trying so hard? My life is going to be fine. I'll always have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back, medical care, and clean water. Why am I shaming myself so hard? Why am I working myself so hard?<br><br>But I feel as if I'm missing out. That I'm failing somehow. Somehow I'm not meeting expectations.<br><br>I'm not the only one. Look at the news. At all these celebrities who grew up being told they were special and just...collapsed. Into their own misery. Into their own private dark hell.<br><br>The more I think about it, the more I realize that it's better to be called stupid than it is to be called smart when you're a kid.