I finally met my birthmother - now I wish I hadn't

I was adopted when I was 5 years old. My mom and dad were the only parents I ever knew, and they’ve always been absolutely amazing in all the ways they’ve helped me and been there for me. <br><br>I’m sure a lot of you are wondering why I would seek out a birthmother who clearly didn’t want me. I’ve always had a very normal life growing up, starring in school plays and being in the honor society, I was never treated poorly. The only problem is that I just can’t seem to let go of the feeling that I wasn’t good enough for her. That I was just a stupid little mistake to her, and she never loved me like a mother should love her child.<br><br>I was able to get my birth mothers name from the papers my parents kept in the file cabinet, and from there it wasn’t too hard to get her phone number. And before I knew it, I was actually sitting in my car talking to her for the first time in almost 22 years. <br><br>It’s been 4 months since she agreed to meet me, and since then we’ve met up a couple times. I never know quite what to make of her. She has this weirdd fixation on my teeth, and then when we were saying our goodbyes in the parking lot she kept looking at my legs and smiling. It creeps me out to no end, but I’m not ready to give up yet.<br><br>It took her a little time to get used to talking to me again, but at first she was really stand-offish when I started asking about my childhood and why she gave me up. But once she started talking, I couldn’t believe the shit that came out of her mouth. I’m not stupid, I know I’m adopted, I don’t hold any hard feelings about it, but this was different. <br><br>She told me that she wasn’t alone when she had me, that my father was in the room when she gave birth. And I finally had to ask the question that I’ve been dying to know since I was little. She seemed reluctant at first, but I could tell she wanted me to know. When I asked her who my father was, she leaned down and whispered “the devil”. When I tried to press her for more information, she stared sticking her fingers in her ears and screaming at the top of her lungs. I got up to leave, and she just collapsed onto the floor sobbing. The waiters were starting to give us weird looks, so I left. <br><br>I never heard from her again until last week, when she called and said she had something important to tell me. She wanted me to meet her at her house. <br><br>I arrived at 7:00, and she greeted me at the door. She looked awful; her eyes were huge and black, and her skin was almost gray. She led me to the living room and motioned for me to sit on the couch, then she sat next to me and stared me dead in the eyes.<br><br>“You don’t understand what you are. You don’t understand what made you” She said. <br><br>“What do you mean?” I asked. She looked around nervously before pulling out a small piece of paper. <br><br>“Your father died the day you were born. I was brought to some cult in the middle of no where, and I was told that I was chosen to be a vessel for the devil to finally walk among mortals. I refused at first, but they brainwashed me and I eventually believed all their lies. You were born on June 6 2006, at 6:06 am, and before you took your first breath your father was dead. They all thought you had failed, and you were left on my doorstep a few days later. All I know from that day on is that I’ve always felt like something is watching me, protecting me. I know it’s your father. And now that you’re here, he’s going to do whatever it takes to get his son back.”<br><br>She then handed me the paper, it was an address. “This is where I was all those years ago, and this is where your father is. I’ve been trying to warn you for all these years. That’s why I gave you up, to protect you. But now that you know, you have to destroy him.”<br><br>Before I could say anything, the lights started flickering and a cold breeze blew through the room. I looked up to see a dark shadow hovering in the doorway. My birthmother was gone before I could turn my attention back to her. I got up and ran to my car, and didn’t stop driving until I got home. It’s been 3 days since this all happened, and I don’t know if I believe any of it. But I know I’m going to find out, and I’m going to destroy him. I’ve never felt a burning hatred like I do now, and I know that this is just the beginning.