I need to vent and I hope it's okay if I bring this topic to this forum.

Firstly I want to personally thank everyone who has contributed his/her story so far. I've read them and they help me a lot. <br>Secondly, I need to vent. I've been invited to tonight's candlelight vigils in our city and I can't join. I'm still in Europe.<br>I'm still in shock and I feel as though I've been punched in the gut. I have so many flashbacks, I am five years old again and my parents gave me a little red book called "Guckloch". I went to kindergarden and when I turned six, I started school. I was a very happy child. I was never traumatized. I was never terrorized by bullies. I went through my school years with a lot of friends. I went on summer camping trips with the scouts. We had a youth church group. <br>I was a bit of an outsider when I started high school. I had no interest in being part of the "in-crowd", I had my own little library - I read a lot of books and five of them are from that American author. I had my own friends and our interests were very much aligned. <br>On 22 July 2011 I was in the church and I went to the front door with an elder brother from the youth group and I remember his face very well. I went on to college, achieved my degree and then I moved to Europe. Some of my classmates were in Oslo, some were in Utoya. <br><br>I felt the same sense of hopelessness and impotence when I heard the news about the Manchester Arena bombing in May 2017. I was in the UK then. <br>I feel the same again now and I'm still in Europe. I want to go home, I want to be part of the vigils. I need to vent. I feel so angry and I want to scream and throw things around. <br>Thank you for listening. I have so many feelings inside me I need to let out. <br>This needs to end. <br>This *will* end. We will rise up. We will. <br><br>Edit: I'm back in Norway, I've been to the vigils. I haven't been there since 2011.<br>Edit2: I am not affiliated with any group, party, church or organisation. I am an ordinary citizen who wants to live in peace and harmony, and I am angry.