My ex died of a heroin overdose and I'm really, really angry

Hello all, just needed to vent. I am so angry because my ex died of heroin overdose in December. I am angry because I tried so hard to get him sober for two years and in the end failed. I am angry that he waited until I left him to seek professional treatment. I am angry that I tried to help him and only enabled him further. I am angry that he decided to inject heroin even though I, a recovering addict, explicitly told him how dangerous it is and how easy it is to die from it, and he didn't even care. I am angry that I wasted two years of my life trying to get him sober. I am angry that in the end he decided to do heroin and ruined my life on his way out. I am angry that he never really loved me at all since he chose drugs over me. I am angry because I am no longer able to fall in love with someone because of him. I am angry because I can't look at any guy without seeing him. I am angry because I can't go to my own Apt without being reminded of him because he literally died in that apt. Which is why I am moving to a new city. I am angry because I needed to rip my hair out but I can't because it doesn't hurt anyone but me. I am angry because I can't be angry because he's dead so I am stuck with this anger and grief forever. I feel so much pain in my heart and it won't go away for a long time. I am angry because I can't say goodbye to him even though he was such a piece of shit to me for two years. I am angry because I still miss him. <br><br>Fuck you James.