I'm not looking for sympathy but..

Last year I had a litter, 4 babies. My Goofy is an idiot and it was his first time, his father wasn't there to help him for his first time and he was really freaked out. He was shaking like crazy. 2 of the 4 babies did not survive. I had to throw them out. It was a very sad and hard day for me. I still think about it. I never knew it was so hard to lose a baby. It was sad and scary to watch it die infront of me. I was so mad at Goofy. I wanted to blame him but I couldn't. Goofy loves me, he loves his dad and he loves his kids and he was just scared. It was his first time and he didn't know what to do.<br><br>It's more easy for me now, it's been a year and a half. I'm not still crying all the time but I will never forget those 2 babies who died. They will always be remembered. I will never let them go. I had to throw them out but I didn't throw them out of my heart. I am stronger now, I learned to live with it. 2 of the Goofy's babies, Max and Bella are alive and healthy and happy. And it makes me happy to watch them grow. <br><br>But I still think about those 2 babies who died. It was sad and scary but I am happy to know that they are in the sky watching me and my family, my husband and my kids, right now.