I want to be a chubby woman so bad

I am a 5 ft 6 in 19 year old female, I am 108 lbs, and before I say anything else, no, I am not anorexic. I'm pretty sure I have a real problem, my parents are worried, and I want to be bigger.<br><br>I've never been to the doctor and had them tell me I'm normal, my whole life, I've never been "normal" weight, I've always been underweight, lightweight, skinny, whatever. I would starve myself because I wanted to fit in, atleast in the way that I had something in common with my peers, I don't have any friends because I am so anxious, I think my weight plays a part in that.<br><br>I want to be like the women I see on the chamber, I want to be strong, curvy, and beautiful. I want to have thighs, hips, and breasts, I want to be able to do all the shit that people say fat girls can't do, I want to be able to eat and not feel like a burden on everyone I know, I don't want to have to hear my family complain atleast 10x a day, "EAT!" "DO YOU KNOW HOW SKINNY YOU ARE?!" "I MEAN MY DAUGHTER IS ALRIGHT IN THE FACE, BUT HER BODY IS UGLY" I don't want to be seen as ugly, disgusting, creepy or weird.<br><br>When I see pictures of fat women, especially those with a bigger bust, I get jealous, I want atleast 1/4 of the beauty they have, I want to be so thick that when I walk by, people can't help but look, men and women, I want to be liked, I want to be loved, I want to be stopped in the street by random men and asked for my number, I want to be told I'm pretty, I want to believe it!<br><br>I want to be able to go clubbing, to the beach, to parties and actually have fun, I want to be able to drink and eat and not be afraid of what everyone might think of me, I don't want to worry about my weight anymore, I want to be able to buy clothes that are bigger than the smallest size available at the mall.<br><br>I want to be a bigger girl so bad, I want people to be proud of me, not my parents.<br><br>I am fully aware my parents are going to see this and probably call me a stupid bitch, atleast because of my weight, but all the women here are so beautiful, strong and confident, and I want to be that too.<br><br>So thank you, to the women on this chamber, I hope I can be strong and beautiful like you guys are.