My wife demands I stop being an absolute idiot.

My wife is a midwife. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She doesn't play games, do drugs, smoke, or drink. She is in her mid 30s and this is the first time she has made a hippie mistake. <br><br>She became a midwife because she wanted to "reduce her carbon footprint." She loves wine. She is on a vegan diet. She has a leaf in her hair right now. <br><br>She just informed me she is pregnant. She is going to have our baby in the back of a Mazda Tribute that I bought at a junk yard. She wants a natural birth. She is concerned about the baby safety. She has said, and I quote, "I'm going to take my chances with the universe."<br><br>I love this woman. I really do. I worship her. <br><br>But I don't want my baby to be crushed by a Mazda Tribute in a ditch.