An open letter to any potential shooters

My dad has always been a gun guy. For a long time, that made me dislike guns. I used to dislike guns. Then I realized that I was just scared of them. And so I educated myself. <br><br>I own three guns now. I bought them all used off craigslist. The first I bought for $50, the second for $100, and the third for $500. Don't tell my dad, I think he's still mad that I bought three guns. <br><br>When I first bought my guns, I was worried that someone would want to steal them. I had just spent my money on something I didn't know I would like, and I was worried that having them in my apartment made me a more likely victim to a break in. <br><br>So I took every precaution. I bought a $100 safe. It was small and compact. It fit under my bed. I let a few people know that I had it. I told them that the safe was under my bed, on the right side, and that a thief would have to move my nightstand before they could get to it. <br><br>I used to keep my keys in the nightstand. My keys had a small pistol key. The pistol key could be used to open the safe. <br><br>If you're breaking into my apartment, you can move the nightstand and find the keys. From there you'll see the pistol key. If you're motivated enough, you can move the nightstand on the other side of the bed and find the combination. If you're motivated enough, you can put the combination into the safe. If you're motivated enough, you can unscrew the bottom of the safe where the combination is useless. If you're motivated enough, you can unscrew the bottom of the safe and get to my pistol. It's unloaded. It's broken. I'm sorry. I got a new pistol. <br><br>I moved my new pistol to my new apartment. That's the pistol that I spent $500 on. I'm very happy to keep it safe. <br><br>In my new apartment, I keep my safe on the floor of my closet. It's easy to get to, but it's not very noticeable. It's a different combination. If you break into my apartment, you can find my keys. My keys still have a pistol key. The pistol key can be used to open the safe. But I don't keep the combination anywhere. If you're motivated enough, you can figure out the combination. But I'm not telling you that here. I'm sorry. <br><br>If you're stealing my safe, please be careful. I have a bit of a refreshable supply of tear gas. You can't see it. You have to touch the safe to get to it. But if you touch the safe, you'll be sorry. <br><br>I'm sorry. I didn't mean to refresh the supply so often. But it's hard to keep enough on hand. Please be sorry. <br><br>If you're motivated enough to steal my guns, please don't be motivated enough to hurt innocent people. <br><br>If you're motivated enough to hurt innocent people, I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me. <br><br>I would rather you be motivated to talk with me. I have a bit of a refreshable supply of tear gas. If you want to hurt innocent people, please be sorry. <br><br>I'm sorry.