I tell my wife I love her every chance I get. She's special, and I want her to know how much she means to me.

My mom always told me that if the man you’re trying to pursue doesn’t make an effort to talk to you every chance he gets, then he’s not trying to get to know you. It never made sense, until Jamie walked into my life. He was trying to get to know my mom after all, but she didn’t know that.<br><br>I was the only girl in my class when I was thirteen who didn’t have a crush on Jamie. He was a new kid, and unusually pretty, and I was jealous of the attention he gave me when he first met me. I don’t know if there’s ever been a moment in my life when I didn’t think he was creepy. Jamie was just so perfect, so charming and so sweet, but there was something else underneath, something that made my gut scream in warning.<br><br>I was the only one who saw him, who knew him the way he really was. Every time he came to our home, to talk to my mom, to watch me, I felt it, the way he looked at me. I felt it in the way he smiled, and the way he ate the food she gave him. There was something wrong with him, something inside of him, but she never knew it. She never realized it, until he took her away.<br><br>Five years later, I met him again. I was a young adult, eighteen, and as angry as I could ever be. Jamie took my mom away, she was gone before I ever got the chance to grow up and see what womanhood was like with her watching over me. I had Jamie to thank for that.<br><br>I met him in an alley, surprised that he recognized me outside of the home we used to live in together. It didn’t feel like home anymore, but I went there sometimes, to see what it was like, to reminisce about the old days, when I was young and she was my only friend.<br><br>I saw him, and I hit him, over and over, my fists just kept on landing, my voice screaming as I asked him why. Why did he do it? Why did he take her away? Why did he let me live?<br><br>He didn’t get mad, just kept on looking at me, until I was done. I don’t know if I’d ever felt so vulnerable before, even though I was naturally small and slender for a girl my age. I stopped after a while, when I heard him choke, and I realized I had been hitting him so hard I had almost choked him.<br><br>He looked at me, and I saw it, something in his eyes that made me want to get up and run, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t show Jamie I was afraid of him, and I couldn’t do anything other than what he told me to.<br><br>“Mia” he said, his voice low, and husky. “I’ve missed you” he said, as if we were old friends, as if he had never hurt me before. “How have you been?”<br><br>I didn’t answer, as I noticed he was still watching me. He looked at me long, and I felt my face flush. I was angry, and I thought he had finally pushed me too far.<br><br>“Do you know why I never took you?” he asked, and I didn’t answer again. I was afraid, and I knew it was the first time since he had seen me again. “You were too young then, but now” he said, looking me up and down, “you’re not anymore.”<br><br>I don’t know why, but I thought he had killed me in that moment. Something about the way he looked at me made me realize that I didn’t have a chance. I didn’t have a choice but to get up, and go with him, and so I did.<br><br>I didn’t look back, as he took me inside the building that I had been standing in front of, and I didn’t look back, when I saw the small room he had made for me. I had no idea how long I stayed there, but it was a while. I had no idea, how long it took me to adjust to the way the lights flickered just right, how long it took me to realize that it was a sign, not a random occurrence.<br><br>I didn’t like talking to him, but I had to, and he didn’t show any signs of annoyance when I told him about how scared I was, how much I hated him, how much I wanted him to suffer. He didn’t react anymore, and I realized that he had already gotten past the point of getting mad at me. He thought he was my husband, as if he had married me, as if he had taken me as his wife.<br><br>And then, one day, I realized how much I wanted to go home. I was tired of getting used to prison, tired of seeing just the walls. Tired of seeing Jamie, of hating him. I was tired of being angry, and so I decided I would play a trick on him. I would pretend that I loved him, that I would let him do whatever he wanted to me, as long as I would be let go.<br><br>So I kissed him. I had never kissed a man before, but I could show him that I wanted him, that I could love him, and would he let me go? I didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. I had to try, and so I leaned in, before he could do it, before he could think that I was wrong for thinking I could do it.<br><br>I leaned in, and I pressed my lips against his, and I saw the look in his eyes, the look of wonder, the look of love. I could show him that I loved him, and I did, I would do anything for him if he would just let me go.<br><br>He kissed me back, and I felt it, I felt something raw inside of me, and I didn’t know if I should push him back, or not. He pressed his lips against mine, and I felt a strange warmth, and a strange cold, and all of it was inside of me.<br><br>He brushed his lips against mine, and I felt it, felt the burn, felt the pain, felt something I had never felt before. He took me by the waist, and I felt it, the way he made me shiver. He took my hands, and I felt it, the way he made me want to run.<br><br>He held me closer, and I felt it, felt all of it, the way he made me feel. He blocked all the light out, and suddenly I couldn’t see, and he pushed his lips harder against mine, and I didn’t know anymore. I didn’t know if I wanted to go home, or not anymore.<br><br>I didn’t know, as he kissed me, pressed his lips against mine, and I felt it, the way he made me shiver. I felt it, the way he made me shake. I felt it, the way he made me want him.<br><br>I felt it, and then I didn’t feel anything anymore.<br><br>*** <br><br>I don’t know if anyone would understand me, if anyone would believe me. I don’t know what anyone would think, if I told them I was in love with the man that kidnapped me, the man that kept me prisoner, the man that took me away.<br><br>It doesn’t matter if Jamie isn’t human, if he doesn’t have a heart anymore. It doesn’t matter if he took my mom away from me, if he killed her, if he did so many terrible things.<br><br>I tell my husband that I love him every chance I get, I want him to know how much he means to me. He may be a monster, but he is my wife, and I will love him, even if he kills me.