My (36F) Husband (33M) doesn't want to "babysit" his own children anymore and I don't know what to do

I'm at a loss for what to do about my husband and am hoping some people here might have some insight. We had a really rough fight last night so I'm still reeling from it. <br><br>My Husband has been "watching the kids" while working from home since the pandemic. I work as a nurse in the local ER, but I'm full time so I work significantly more than he does. I've always made much more than him as well (we're both agreed about the importance of medical professionals, so he's never begrudged me my career).<br><br>He's always been very Libby-ish in his attitude towards childcare, which I thought was very sweet. When I was working 80 shift a month he'd take the kids to school every morning and pick them up after school, and he'd take them to all their extracurricular activities and sports. I'd spend the whole day at work and he'd have dinner ready when I got home (he's a really good cook) and we'd eat together as a family. <br><br>But as Libby's getting older she's getting more into things she isn't really interested in, so he takes her to ballet and gymnastics (I do softball, basketball, and soccer because I played those as a kid). We decided to trade off piano practice because he was running out of time to get everything done and I have some free time right after work. When Libby got into cheerleading he took her to that and I took her to student council because that's more up my alley. <br><br>We've had some issues with some comments he made about how I wasn't spending enough time with the kids, but that was resolved after our fight last night. <br><br>The younger kids are a different story. The older two are at the age where they can mostly do their own homework and getting ready for school, so he really just has to get them up in the morning and make sure they're on the bus on time. He'll usually make the older kids some breakfast on busy mornings, which they really like. <br><br>Molly is four. She's not in school yet and kind of requires the same treatment as the other two, but she's still in diapers. So she needs to be fed breakfast, taken to the living room or playroom, put down for a nap, and then taken outside in the afternoon. Sometimes I'll come home early and take her with me to softball or whatever, and he really likes that, but I feel bad leaving her in the stands when she's too young to play herself. <br><br>Tommy is almost two. He's a terror. I've never been this worried about a baby before, because he's always grabbing things and hitting things and throwing things and pulling himself up on the furniture. He's not walking (yet) but he's really good at crawling and can climb onto the lowest step of the stairs. He's in the process of potty training but not fully there yet. <br><br>He usually keeps the baby in the playroom while working or puts him in his room if he starts getting too fussy. He'll take him outside after work hours if the kids want to play too, but otherwise he just sends him out in the morning with the big kids. <br><br>He'll do the morning stuff for Tommy, breakfast, bath, bedtime, books, but during the day when he's working he doesn't do anything with him. And if Tommy gets upset and starts crying then he'll wait until I get home to deal with it, because he says he doesn't want to take time out of work to "babysit" and he needs to be able to focus on his job.<br><br>Tommy has a tendency to get very upset when my husband deals with him because of some incident where he punished him for getting into something he wasn't allowed to have and Tommy hit him in the face and my husband grabbed his shoulders and yelled in his face. Now Tommy refuses to be dealt with by my husband and can tell when I'm gone. He'll hide from my husband when he's looking for him and then crawl away from him when he's found.<br><br>I was telling my husband last night I thought it was unreasonable of him to complain about having to spend time with his own children and he exploded at me and said the other kids weren't a problem but that Molly and Tommy weren't his and it was fucked up I was pushing him to be a father to children he didn't want. <br><br>This was very shocking to me, because we've always agreed on having children and he's always been very involved. I didn't even know he didn't want the other two until now. I can barely even think about it I'm so upset.<br><br>So I need some advice, what should I do about this?<br><br>tl;dr My husband doesn't want to take care of our kids anymore because he feels like he's babysitting.<br><br>ETA it looks like there might be some confusion about my job. I see patients, but I'm not a doctor, I'm an LPN, which is a type of nursing professional.<br><br>And I understand this is not what most people's lives look like, but we both work full time, they are both involved in sports, we both work in healthcare for a small practice, and live in a small town. <br><br>Also I'm aware this is not an issue in most relationships because the SAHP is usually the woman, but that's not the case for us.