I’m dying on this earth

I’m 23 years old. I’m an adult. I have a wife, and a son. I should be quite possibly the happiest I’ve ever been. But I’m not. I’ve been suffering from extreme depression for years now. A couple of years ago I was given anti depressants, but they didn’t help very much. The doctor said to give it time. Well, I’m still waiting for them to work, I guess.<br><br>I’ve been to therapy. I’ve met with counselors. I’ve done everything I can to fix this. I’m not a drug or alcohol abuser. I don’t smoke. I’m pretty healthy. But I’m still miserable.<br><br>A few days ago, my father in law died. He was a great man. I loved him, and I would proudly call him my friend. He died of a brain hemorrhage. He had started to get a headache, went to the hospital, and had a brain hemorrhage not long after.<br><br>I’m a very healthy man, but at the same age as I am now (23) my father had a stroke. He was healthy as well. It’s something in my genetics. His brother also had a stroke not long after that at the same age. I’m sure we all know that when someone has a stroke or brain hemorrhage, they will not be the same. They will have something wrong physically or mentally. <br><br>So, I’m going to die on this earth, not able to enjoy it. I’m suffering mentally right now, and very soon, I will be suffering physically or mentally, or both. I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. I want to take my own life. But I’m not going to. I have a wife and child to take care of. I have to put them first. <br><br>But I guess I just wanted to say that I’m tired. I’m tired of this life. I’m tired of suffering. I’m tired.<br><br>Edit: <br>Wow! Thank you for the amazing support. I thought I was just going to post something, and have maybe one or two comments. I never thought that this many people would reach out and care enough to comment or message me. I am actually crying as I type this (and I haven’t cried in years, unless it was from laughing) because I am so touched by all of you. <br><br>Some of you have told me to go to the ER. I would love to lie to you and say that I’m going to go, but I’m not. I’m not a fan of lying (which is why I don’t have any social media). I’m not going to go to the hospital. I tell you this, not to make you feel sorry for me, but I want you to know that I’m taking my own life into my hands. I will get help eventually. I just have to take care of my family first. And if I take myself away to an inpatient center, that will take time away from them that they need, and it will also make them worry more about me.<br><br>But thank you. Thank you all for your kindness, and for caring about me. I haven’t felt this loved in a long time, and it’s been an amazing feeling. Thank you. And if you ever need to talk to someone, or you need help, please let me know. I’m always here. And don’t forget that you don’t have to go through this alone. There is always someone there to help, and actually cares. <br><br>Edit #2: <br>I was surprised to see this post blow up. But, thank you so much. The amount of kindness I received was staggering. I met with my wife and we came up with a plan. I’m seeing my doctor as soon as possible to get admitted into a facility. And, we’re getting my son into counseling as well as he’s had a rough time too. I was actually able to have a conversation with my son about these topics. He was more open than I thought he’d be. And, thank you all again.