I was drunk and my 6 year old niece made me promise not to kill myself.

I’ve been drinking a little more than I should lately. At least I admit it. This evening my wife had to pick up her parents from the airport at 3am. So, my wife had to take my 6 year old niece with her (she’s my biologic daughter, but not my wife’s biologic child) . I was sleeping on the couch, and somehow my niece woke me from my slumber (I think she had to go to the bathroom) and she asked me to help her find her underwear. <br><br>We go to the bathroom, I turn on the lights, and we start looking for her underwear, but she’s crying and I can hear slurs in between my words. I’m drunk, and I know I’m drunk, but I don’t want to believe it. I say “shit, I’m drunk, but at least I know I’m drunk”. And all of the sudden she starts crying and hugging me. She starts telling me not to kill myself, and I ask her if she heard me? She looks me dead in the eyes and says “yes”. I get on my knees and I hug her and say “I know, baby, Daddy knows.” I was in tears, and my 6 yr old niece is holding me and telling me not to kill myself. <br><br>Now I’m sitting on my couch, sobering up, and I don’t hear any cars pulling up. Just the sound of my heartbeat pounding in my ears, and the sound of tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. What the fuck am I doing with my life? How much longer do I have until I drink myself to death? <br><br>I’m so fucking grateful for my niece, and I can never express how much her words affected me. I feel so fucking stupid, and I don’t know what to do, or where to go from here.<br><br>Edit: For those of you who have generously offered to help me get into rehab, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have a meeting with my PCP in the morning, and I plan on asking for help from there. For those who have shared their stories, it brought tears to my eyes. And I am very grateful for you all. The amount of love and support this sub has to offer is so fucking beautiful. <br><br>I don’t have the money to pay for rehab, but I have health insurance and I plan on using it to my advantage. My first goal is to get into an inpatient program. <br><br>I plan on using the comments to my advantage by printing them out and keeping them in my journal, so when I feel like giving up, I can read the comments and feel the love and support from all of you beautiful fucking strangers.