I was in the military and also a police officer for the state of Texas. I've never felt so insecure as I do at 32 years old. Blackpilled.

I've always been the type of guy that was well liked by men and women. I'm average but not at all ugly. I've been in pretty good shape most of my life. I'm also just a funny, charming guy.<br><br>I have been told I'm a great dad and provider for my children but outside of work, I have no relationships at all. I do have one other best friend but he's been a lifelong friend.<br><br>I've always had some insecurities. I'm a 5'9" white guy. I'm built well but you know the saying: for men, 5'9" is below average height. I do have a pretty good looking face though.<br><br>In the military, I was always sexually insecure. I had 5 different women during my enlistment. 3 of them cheated on me and the other two were "experienced" and just embarrassed the hell out of me in terms of sexual prowess. All of these relationships were short lived.<br><br>I've been a cop for 10 years now. I also got divorced 2 years ago. I have rarely just hooked up without being in a relationship but I have hooked up a few times the last 2 years.<br><br>Each and every time, I've been with someone that's been with a REALLY big d-ck and then they "laugh" as they're riding me. I'm almost certain I'm under 6 inches. I'm probably around 5.5 to be honest.<br><br>This last one was the worst. She came over and rode me for about a minute and then she literally laughed out loud as she was riding me and said "this isn't going to work." It literally felt like she was riding a finger. We both laughed awkwardly and then I said "you know what, you're right. I'm just not built for this kind of thing." And then I got up and went to the bathroom and sobbed for about 10 minutes.<br><br>I've cried about this literally 4 times in the last 2 years. I've always been a tough guy. Nothing makes me cry. Even my ex-wife cheating multiple times didn't make me cry.<br><br>My family is also getting concerned. I don't get invited to stuff anymore because I just don't get along with people. I'm irritable and bitter now. I'm probably going to end up alone the rest of my life. I'm dreading when my son is old enough to start asking questions about my sex life. Or when he asks me why I don't have a girlfriend. Fuck.