To my Dad

To my dad. <br><br>I have always resented you. I have never loved you nor have I ever wanted you in my life. I have always been afraid of you. I even remember the day we met and it's forever embedded in memory. I was five years old and I was waiting for my mother to pick me up from school. I remember the nervousness as my mother told me I had a dad and even after I pressed her for answers, she didn't want to give me any. I even remember the day my mother called my grandparents asking them to pick me up because you were coming home. I remember being upset and crying and begging to just not be there when you were there. <br><br>I was always afraid of you even though I have never seen you. I remember the nervousness as my mother told me that you were coming to pick me up. I was literally shaking until you came to the door. I remember a tall, lean man with a short fade and a beard but standing a little bit taller than my mother. I didn't have any affection towards you I just wanted you to leave. I remember the reaction of my mother telling me not to say that. I wanted nothing to do with you. I even wanted you to leave. <br><br>I never loved you. I have always resented you. I have always been afraid of you. I have never been able to have a relationship with you. I remember the day my mother told me that you were coming to live with us. I begged my mother not to let you come but she insisted. She said "he doesn't have any money" and "he has nowhere to go". I remember when you moved in. I remember how you took up my mothers space and her time. I even remember the day you made my mother cry. I even remember the day she called my grandparents because you wanted to have sex with her and she didn't want to. I remember the day my mother told me that you were abusive towards her. I remember the day that you got mad at me because I wouldn't hug you back. <br><br>I will never love you. I will always resent you. I will always be afraid of you. I will never see you as a father. I will always see you as a monster. I will never let you into my life.