I (M43) have been married for 20 years, from now on I'm cheating every other weekend, so what should I do to be safe?

A few weekends ago, something happened in my relationship that I hadn't expected. It was my wife's (F40) birthday and she wanted to spend it with her friends, so we booked a hotel for her and her friends. She even asked me to join her, but I politely declined, preferring to spend the evening with a male prostitute. It was a surreal experience, but I couldn't help myself - my wife had always been a little bit shy in the bedroom, and I hadn't had a sex partner in years, so I saw this as an opportunity to relax and explore my fantasies. I booked a room in the same hotel so I could go back and forth between the party and the room, and while my wife was preoccupied socializing with her friends, I snuck away to be with this man. It was an exhilarating experience, and I felt guilty but also liberated.<br><br>After that night, I started to crave it more and more. I began to look for other opportunities to cheat. I scheduled flights to visit male friends and acquaintances, only to end up in their beds. I lied to my wife about my whereabouts, telling her I was going to conferences or retreats. All of these encounters left me feeling empty and anxious, but I couldn't stop myself. I knew I was being reckless and putting my marriage at risk, but I couldn't resist the temptation.<br><br>The desire for cheating is making me depressed because I'm living a fake life. I've cheated on my wife five times and I feel terrible. It's even making me suicidal. I don't want to end it all over this. I need some solid advice.<br><br>TL;DR: I want to cheat every other weekend, so what should I do to be safe?