My wife has been cheating on me for a year and a half.

Throwaway account because this is dumb.<br><br>I'm devastated. Last year, I was the happiest I've ever been. Married my awesome wife, got a great job far away and moved to Texas. Was thinking about having kids, but she was still a bit too young, so we had a dog.<br><br>I've just felt like something was wrong the last couple of months. She started being a lot more distant, and we stopped being intimate. I talked with her about it a few weeks ago, and she basically said that she's got a lot on her hands and always finds herself tired after a long day at work.<br><br>I was stupid enough to buy that, and then found out yesterday that she's been cheating the whole time. It's always a friend's husband, and they were apparently having an affair and wanted to feel like they were single again by hooking up with random people when they had the chance. I can't imagine the nerve it takes to do something like this, to tell a married woman that she should cheat on her husband just because they felt like having random sex?<br><br>She admitted to cheating on me with almost 25 guys in the last year, and I feel absolutely terrible. It's been over a year since we've had sex, because she can't stand the thought of it. I asked her if she'd like a divorce and she was surprised that I'd even ask. She can't imagine living without me, and I can't imagine living without her. I love her more than anything and don't want to leave her, but I don't think I'd ever be able to trust her again, or trust myself to not think about her having sex with other men all the time.<br><br>We got a dog together, and I can't imagine raising an animal with someone who treats me like this. I want to leave so bad, but she started crying and begging me to stay. She says she doesn't know what came over her, and that she never loved me less. I seriously doubt that because if she loved me she'd never think this was okay. But at the same time, I don't want to ruin our marriage and leave her when I can try to work things out. I just don't think it's ever going to feel the same.<br><br>I seriously don't know what to do. She's going to therapy and promised she'd never do it again and to make it up to me. Part of me wants to leave because I doubt she's actually going to change. I can't think about anything else, and it's seriously making me sick. I've never had insomnia this bad and haven't eaten in days, and she knows how bad I've taken it. She says that she feels the same way, but I'm sure she doesn't, because I'd never do this to her.<br><br>I've always thought that she's the most beautiful and charming girl I've ever met. She's perfect. I don't want to leave her, but I don't think I can take this. I feel like I've been living a lie.<br><br>I don't even know what the point of this was. Just wanted to say it out loud. I can't explain to anyone else how I'm feeling without sounding crazy. I just seriously don't know what to do and I'm trying my hardest to take things slowly and not make any rash decisions. This might be the worst thing that's ever happened to me.