Kill yourself

Typical day, woke up, took a shit, brushed my teeth, got ready, walked to the station, rode the metro, rode the bus, walked to work, got to work, put on my uniform, clocked in, did some work, took my lunch, did some more work, took my second lunch, did some more work, clocked out, took off my uniform, rode the bus, rode the metro, walked home, got home, ate some bread with tomato sauce, took a piss, took a shit, brushed my teeth, went to bed.<br><br>The only interactions I had with people were the following:<br><br>* A 50-year-old black man nodded at me and said "heya" as we passed each other in the street. I nodded back and said hi.<br>* A black woman, probably in her 20s, asked me on my way to work if I was coming from downtown. I said I was coming from the other direction and said "Sorry I can't help you mam." The woman laughed and said "Oh, you're like my daughter when she says 'I'm sorry I can't help you mama,' I tell her 'why are you saying you're sorry? Why would you get mad at yourself for not being able to do something?' And she's like 'I just feel bad because I can't help,' I tell her 'why do you feel bad, you're 7 years old, there's no reason why you should be mad at yourself for not being able to help me do something,' and she's like 'I just do, I just feel sorry,'" and I chuckled and said "Well when I say 'I'm sorry I can't help you,' I mean 'I'm sorry I can't help you, but I need to hurry to work,' not 'I'm sorry I can't help you because I hate myself,' but I get that." She laughed and said "That's true," and walked away.<br><br>That's it, those were my only interactions with people today. I waited until the bus I needed to take was empty before I got on. I gave my meal ticket to the lady at the cafeteria and she smiled at me and I smiled back and said thank you, but I didn't say anything to her other than that. I said "Sorry I'm running a little late I had some trouble on my way to work" to my boss and he said "No problem, it's alright."<br><br>And that's it. I got home, ate, took my piss, took my shit, brushed my teeth, and went to bed. That's my life. Once, while I was still in high school, my dad told me to get up at 9:00 AM and mow the lawn or something, and I had gone to bed at 2:00 AM. I told him that I didn't get enough sleep and that I didn't want to get up, and he said "There's no reason why you can't be up doing something everyday at 9:00 AM. You have nothing to do and you're doing nothing with your life." I told him "I'm doing what I want with my life," and he said "Doing what you want is the most selfish thing you could say. You need to be doing something with your life, not just doing what you want. The most selfish thing in the world is someone who uses the phrase 'I can do what I want with my life.'"<br><br>I'm not sure what the hell is wrong with me, why I'm posting this on a chamber for losers and incels. I just hate myself so much, I hate my life. I hate the fact that I'm 25 and I'm stuck in this dead end job with no future. I've been working here for 5 years now, and my boss asked me if I wanted to become a shift manager, and I told him hell no and walked away. When I'm 40 I'm still going to be doing this bullshit, and my life is going to be over. I hate myself. What the hell is wrong with me? I hate the fact that I'm not doing anything to change my circumstances. I hate myself. Why do I always give up, why do I never try? I'm so pathetic. I'm a loser. I hate myself.