I broke up with my girlfriend for the first time for a trip and I never saw her again

I just returned from my first solo trip and I am quite bitter about it. I let this girl into my life that I met while volunteering in the south of Brazil in 2021 during the pandemic. She was from Romania but lived in Brazil for a few years.<br><br>So we met and started to hang out together while I was in the state and we had a lot of fun. She was a lot of fun. So before I left we talked about hanging out together again and during this time she lied to me about her visa that was expiring and paid for a new one.<br><br>We lived far apart but during the time I was there she came to my house and we had a lot of fun. We did drugs and hooked up for the first time. So I decided to come back there as soon as possible. And I let her into my life and she started to do drugs with her friends and family.<br><br>We started to live together but then we started to argue and fight and I started to want her to leave. I also hooked up with a few other girls during this time that I met on tinder while I was there that lived near me.<br><br>I'm pretty sure I was doing that because I was feeling that I was losing myself while I was with her. She was breaking my mantra and taking my name wrongly.<br>And I let her into my life so much that she hooked up with a few of my friends and family. She also was doing drugs on her own and I wasn't happy about it. I took her to my family and she lied to my family saying that she was being a bad girl during the trip.<br><br>So I decided to break up with her for the 2nd time and give her a bad vibe and she did everything to get me back. So she agreed to do a trip that I wanted to do and she paid for it all.<br><br>We did Suriname and French Guiana and she broke up with me during the trip. I was pretty upset. But I decided to make the rest of the trip for myself and she started to do her own thing and I did mine.<br><br>Now we don't talk anymore for a month. I broke up with her and I decided to do another trip that she didn't want to do and I let her out of my life for good. I just did a 2 months trip to Argentina and Uruguay and I broke up with her in the middle of it.<br><br>Now I'm feeling pretty bad because I let her go and I'm not seeing her anymore. I'm feeling like she's gone. But I broke up with her before during the trip and she paid for it and I decided to do this trip with her for myself and she decided to break up during that trip. I paid for the tickets and the flights and I decided to do Suriname and French Guiana for myself.<br><br>I'm feeling pretty bad for her right now. I'm feeling like she's gone for good. And I'm not seeing her for a long time. And I'm feeling pretty bad about it. I'm feeling like I lost a person that I paid for her trip and I let her into my life and I let her go. I paid for the tickets and the flights and I decided to do the trip with her for myself. And I let her out of my life for good.<br><br>So I'm feeling pretty bad for her for a long time.