My boyfriend may be into anal play, and I'm not okay with it.

Throwaway account because I feel too embarrassed to put all this on my normal account.<br><br>My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years, and I love him more than life itself. He genuinely is the kindest, sweetest, most gentle person I've ever met, and I know he'd never do anything to hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable. Until a few days ago, I would have said that our sex life is perfect. We've explored a lot of things together - toys, pain play, dirty talk, the list goes on, and we've never been afraid to tell each other what we like, don't like, or want to try.<br><br>A few nights ago, we were having sex in doggystyle position. I had a butt plug in my ass, and a fairly large dildo in my pussy. He was going relatively rough, which I love, and I was having an amazing time. That is, until he said something suggestive about trying anal. I'm fairly certain he was joking, but the thought of having his dick in my ass sent a wave of disgust all through my body. I immediately told him "no," and then I thought about it for a second and realized I'm actually frightened at the idea of him being inside me like that.<br><br>I'm not sure where these feelings are coming from. I have been abused in the past, but never sexually. I've been doing anal play with toys for years, and I've even been fisted in my vagina before. But something about having a penis or a man's hand inside me sends me into a panic. I've been trying to push aside this anxiety, telling myself that maybe I just haven't found the right situation in which to try it yet, but even now thinking about trying it sends my heart racing.<br><br>I'm terrified to tell my boyfriend about this. He's always been nothing but respectful of my boundaries, but I know he likes anal play, and the idea of rejecting him in my bedroom makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>TL;DR: I don't want to try anal play with my boyfriend, but that's what he likes. How do I tell him?