Warning for the overachievers: if you're not on the right track you will be before you know it. It will come at the cost of your happiness and mental health.

Today is my birthday, so I'll indulge in the luxury of self reflection on this one.<br><br>Only 5-6 years ago I felt like a completely useless piece of crap. I was in my mid 20's, and I still had no clue what was lacking in people that made them so much more productive than me. I was so confused and frustrated at the same time, I hated myself and my entire existence. I had no clue what made me happy. I was so fixated on success that I looked to it as the solution to my problems.<br><br>My first job was pretty bad. It was boring and lonely. It was the most painful and exhausting experience I've ever had. I hated my entire life at that point. I relied on coffee and nicotine to go through the day.<br><br>I wasn't doing well. I had no clue what made me happy or what I wanted. I spend so much money on trying everything. I was the jack of all trades, master of none. I struggled with communication, being rejected or failing. I was so usure of my abilities for years.<br><br>At some point I decided to take a leap of faith and apply to a different job. I didn't know if I was the right fit. I went in with no expectations and it ended up being the first place I actually felt valued. I got a promotion and suddenly I was a codeveloper of a new and interesting product. I enjoyed it more than anything I had done so far, and every day I had something to look forward to.<br><br>Somehow I also found a new hobby and that's boxing. I didn't know it, but after months I grew to actually loving it. I completely fell in love with the feeling after a good training session.<br><br>Although things were going much better, I was still trying to achieve more, but I still had no idea what I wanted at the end of the tunnel. I was running like a madman and my body protested. During the last year, I started to realize that my new goals were actually more destructive than productive. I was pressuring myself to work more hours every day, I was sacrificing sleep, eating too much and sleeping too little. I became completely a robot, I didn't have any free time anymore, because every single second was spent in the pursuit of a better life. After every month, i felt like I was a failure because I still didn't arrive. I just wanted to be a better version of myself.<br><br>I got to a point where I couldn't do anything anymore. I was so exhausted that I just had to lay in bed for a month. I didn't even know that I was depressed. I struggled to get out of the hole. I actually thought I had failed and that my situation was so bad that I couldn't bounce back.<br><br>After almost two years of working I completely fell apart. I was barely able to do anything anymore. I was ashamed of myself and so angry that I won't be able to recover.<br><br>I actually needed a lot of time to understand what was happening. I had such a huge mental gap between what success should mean and what happiness meant. I thought that I didn't have to do anything because I was doing everything right. I didn't enjoy anything anymore, my life was empty. I didn't even like talking to people. I realized that I was so fixated on success that I haven't even asked myself if I was happy after achieving anything. I didn't know if I even liked a higher position, where I was making more money but also working more.<br><br>I finally understood that my job was sucking the life out of me. I started to hate what I was doing. It was crazy. I was such a robot. Every single day I was so exhausted and I was barely able to do anything else, but I didn't care. I just wanted my job to pay for my life, so I could afford the bare minimum needed to survive.<br><br>I finally saved enough money to take a nice break from everything. I enjoyed and took my time to recover from the constant stress. I realized that I was so blind for such a long time. I actually loved what I was doing, but I hated the environment, people and society. I didn't realize that my life was empty, because I was actually enjoying it. But I didn't know it.<br><br>I wasn't doing well at all. I felt like I was all alone. I didn't know if I actually felt everything that I did, or if it all made sense. I didn't know if I should keep pursuing, but I also felt like it was too late to change anything. I didn't know if I was ready for a change. I was already so used to everything.<br><br>As I took things slower, I actually found things that made me happy, that I never thought about. As I grew and became more confident, I found myself in places I never would have imagined. I was so confident in my abilities that I was able to overcome any obstacle.<br><br>I realized that I was in the wrong place. I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew what I didn't want. I didn't want to be so focused on work that I forgot what it means to live for myself. I didn't want to pressurize myself to keep achieving all the time. I just wanted to enjoy my job, but also my life.<br><br>So, I took a leap of faith and made a decision. I decided to quit my job. I went all in on a new experience. I had no clue if I would do well, because I didn't have any experience, but I took the leap of faith and it was the best decision I've ever made. I was not actually good at anything, but I was much better than I thought.<br><br>I actually found a job that I loved. I completely fell in love with the new culture. I realized that I was actually going to a job, not a prison. I still work a lot, but at least I enjoy my day. I still wish I had more free time, but I'm not a robot anymore.<br><br>I'm still trying to figure out my life. I'm not perfect and I'm not a superhero. I've actually realized that I'm not that good at anything and I'm not special at all. I still have things that I hate, but I know that I can overcome them. I've learned to enjoy certain parts of my life. I still overthink and overanalyze every little thing.<br><br>I'm not special or unique at all, but I actually enjoy my life now. I still have struggles and I still hate mornings, but I want to wake up every day. I spend quality time with my family. I cherish all the small moments. I'm not alone anymore and I'm not afraid to show my true feelings to people.<br><br>A lot of things have happened. I've started enjoying things I never thought I'd enjoy. I've actually found things that make me happy. I'm still trying to figure out my life, but I've found a sense of purpose. I've actually realized that I'm not lacking in people, I just know what I'm good at and what I'm not. I still don't know what I'm good at, but I've learned to be okay with that. I actually do things I love.<br><br>In the end, the things I loved the most were those I completely hated at first. I loved and accepted myself, I loved my job and I won't hate it anymore. I also realized that I don't need to be productive all the time. I don't need to have everything under control. I'm okay with not doing things perfectly and I don't care if I fail. I learned to spend quality time with myself and love and cherish myself.<br><br>Warning: if you're not on the right track you will eventually be. It will come at the cost of your mental health and happiness. You will be so fixated on success that you will completely lose yourself. You will forget what it means to live a normal life, to the point where you'll completely lose sight of what a normal routine should be like. You will remember what it's like to love yourself and what it's like to actually be happy. But it will be too late then. Your life will be empty.<br><br>EDIT: It's my birthday today, and I'll indulge in the luxury of sharing this self reflection. I promise this is not an ad or a self promotion.