I have never done anything to my sister and yet she despises me.

I apologize in advance, this is going to be a long one. <br>I have only one sister and she is 2 years older than me. <br>I live alone and she lives with my parents. <br>First of all, we have never been in a fight in our lives. She has never beaten me or physically hurt me. <br>My sister is very pretty and kind, so I have always felt attracted to her. We both used to go to the same school until she graduated. <br>I was just a middle school student, so I would never imagine telling her, but whenever I saw her, my heart would pound and I would blush. <br>It was a really cool feeling, but it was kind of embarrassing. <br>I just felt like I was watching a scene from a teenagers' anime. <br>I knew that my unrequited love would never come true, but I was jealous of my friends who had sisters younger than them. <br>They say the ideal is for the older brother and the younger sister. <br>So I thought it would be okay to be on the other side. And for a time, I was. <br>But one day my sister caught me off guard in the hallway. <br>"Aniki, do you like me?" She said that to me with a smile. <br>I was speechless and at a loss for words. <br>I wanted to tell her that I didn't, but I couldn't. <br>So I just got up and ran away. <br>I felt like I was dying of shame, and I couldn't look her in the eye after that. <br>After that my sister would always tease me, calling me a "brocon" (a brother who is in love with his little sister). <br>I didn't care at the time. <br>But as time went on I felt worse and worse. <br>I never saw her again at school, but I knew sooner or later I would have to face her, so I decided to tell her how I really felt. <br>I waited for her after school to pick her up and walk home together. <br>I wanted to apologize, so I decided to tell her how I really felt. <br>“Listen, Onee-chan, I have something to tell you. <br>My heart is racing just by looking at you, I feel embarrassed when you walk next to me, and sometimes I feel like taking your hand. But I know that's not right. That's how I feel about you, Onee-chan. ” <br>My sister looked at me with a mixture of hatred and contempt on her face. <br>"I knew it," she said. "But don't call me Onee-chan anymore. Call me *senpai*." <br>She turned her back on me and walked away. <br>I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. <br>And with that, my unrequited love with my sister came to an end. And our relationship was never the same. <br>But now that I think back on it, it was a trigger. <br>My sister started treating me coldly. <br>My parents would scold me for no reason. <br>My friends would talk about how they had sex with their sisters. <br>My life became hell. <br>I went to talk to my friends, as they were the only ones I trusted, and I told them what happened with my sister. <br>"You're in love with your sister? That's gross," one of them said. <br>But another told me not to worry, that it was normal. <br>I thanked them and left, but deep down I was feeling worse than before. <br>My teacher noticed that something was wrong with me and asked me about it. <br>I told her the same thing I told my friends. <br>"Im glad you told me. But you can't be in love with your sister, okay?" <br>I was speechless. <br>I felt bad and ashamed of myself. <br>And from that day on my teacher started to despise me. <br>I tried to talk to my parents, but they took my sister's side. <br>My parents told me that they had no idea that I was in love with my sister and that they were disgusted. <br>I told them it wasn't my fault and that I couldn't help it. <br>But my parents wouldn't listen. <br>And from that day on it started getting worse than ever. <br>I don't know what my sister told them, but they started to think that I was disgusting. <br>When I got home and saw my sister eating dinner, she looked at me with contempt. <br>"You're crazy," she said. <br>My mother came over and slapped me. <br>"I didn't raise a disgusting boy," she said. <br>I started crying and ran out of the house. <br>But I had no place to go and was forced to return. <br>When I got home my sister told me that from now on I couldn't go into her room. <br>She didn't need to tell me that. I wouldn't go in anyway. <br>"Why would I go into Onii-chan's room?" She said. <br>I realized that she stopped calling me Aniki and started calling me Onii-chan. <br>But now that I think back on it, I think it was for the better. <br>It's better that way. <br>I started to avoid seeing my family at all costs. <br>But my sister wouldn't let me be. <br>"What's up, Onii-chan? Don't you want to see me?" She said. <br>"I don't want to see you," I said. <br>But of course she didn't listen. <br>She started showing up everywhere I went. <br>I couldn't get out of bed because I was depressed, but she would show up next to me. <br>I couldn't even go to the bathroom anymore. <br>I couldn't get out of bed because I was depressed, but she would show up next to me. <br>I couldn't even go to the bathroom anymore. <br>"I'm home," I said. <br>And my sister would come to me. <br>My heart would pound, and I would blush. <br>I thought it was cool. It was as if I had gone back in time. <br>But this time it was different. <br>I knew what she really felt about me. <br>But still, something inside me moved. <br>"Thank you for coming to see me, senpai," I said, and she smiled at me. <br>"You're so cute, Onii-chan." <br>But that smile was different from the one I saw in the hallway. <br>It was a smile of contempt and hatred. <br>I knew that she was teasing me, but I couldn't help but smile. <br>“By the way, Onii-chan, have you thought that we could get married?” She said. <br>I wanted to answer "Yes, please," but I knew it wasn't possible. <br>So I just looked away and didn't answer. <br>"You're shameless," she said. <br>My heart skipped a beat. <br>I wanted to hug her and kiss her. <br>I wanted to caress her and make her feel better. <br>But I knew I couldn't. <br>And it hurt. <br>"You're gross," she said and left. <br>I had no idea where she was going at that hour, but I didn't care. <br>I didn't want to see her anyway. <br>But she was right. <br>I am gross. <br>Girls don't kiss their brothers or caress them. <br>I knew that, but I couldn't help it. <br>I know I'm disgusting, but I'm still in love with her. <br>I'm not embarrassed anymore or blush when I see her. But my heart still beats fast, and I'm still in love with her. <br>I never imagined telling her how I felt. But sooner or later I have to face her and tell her how I really feel about her. <br>My heart is racing just by looking at her. I feel embarrassed when she walks next to me. Sometimes I feel like taking her hand. But I know that's not right. That's how I feel about her. <br>I wanted to tell her that, but I never had the chance. She caught me off guard in the hallway. <br>"Aniki, do you like me?" She said. <br>I was speechless and at a loss for words. <br>I wanted to tell her that I didn't, but I couldn't. <br>So I just got up and ran away. I felt like I was dying of shame, and I couldn't look her in the eye after that. <br>I have never done anything to my sister and yet she despises me. <br>She never told me why she despises me so much. <br>But I think I know the answer. <br>My heart is racing just by looking at her. I feel embarrassed when she walks next to me. Sometimes I feel like taking her hand. But I know that's not right. That's how I feel about her. <br>I know that's why she despises me. She caught me and knew I was in love with her. I was ashamed and I couldn't look her in the eye. <br>But I think it's okay to feel that way. We don't always choose who we fall in love with. I know that. But sometimes it's better not to fall in love. <br>Sometimes it's better not to fall in love. And I fell in love without thinking about the consequences. <br>My sister and my family despise me. <br>I'm alone in the world and have nowhere to go. <br>But I'm still in love with my sister. Even though I know it's wrong. <br>And that's my biggest mistake. <br>It's wrong to fall in love with someone you can't be with.