I had a ‘gut feeling’ I was about to get r*aped so I lied about having AIDS to save myself.

I was a somewhat naive teenager and I used to ‘hang out’ with boys quite a bit. One guy allowed me to take a thing I needed from him under the agreement that I had to make sure he got it back. I picked it up and he even gave me a little snack and I left. I didn’t make sure he got it back for a few days. (I admit..I wasn’t the most responsible teenager)<br><br>I skipped school one day and all my other friends were at school. I didn’t want to be alone. And since I owed him, I decided to go hang out with him. I put on nice lingerie that day in case ‘something happened’. I really allowed a lot of strangers in my bed even though I didn’t yet know how to say no and was not ready to have *sex. <br><br>We were alone at this girl’s house. I was still holding onto this thing I had for him. <br><br>I think when he realized I had ‘permitted’ him to have sex with me at least once, he thought he could do anything whenever he pleased. He started getting angry at me for not bringing it back sooner and I was a little scared. I looked over at the girl that was hosting us and she didn’t seem to be trying to help me. She just looked angry at me too. <br><br>When he asked for it again, I tried to explain that I had no one to hang out with that day since all my other friends were at school. I still had plans on giving it back. I assured him I wasn’t going to steal it and he could trust me. I don’t think he cared about that. He asked me if I ‘loved him’ and I truthfully said no. I liked him but didn’t feel that way about him. <br><br>He started raising his voice at me and I still remember how scary his eyeslooked. Someone else I knew that was staying over there walked into the room at that moment and said ‘oh, are you guys gonna f*** or what?’, and I knew I had to think fast. <br><br>I said yes and I was going to give him the thing when I was done. I walked into the bathroom to change my clothes and put ‘on a condom’. We had a bunk bed in the room so I told him to go on the bottom and wait for me. I never intended on actually having sex with him. I locked the door to the bathroom and realized there was no window. I had to think fast. <br><br>I wrote my mom’s phone number on a piece of paper and put it in my socks to call for help. I knew she wouldn’t be home because she works all day. So I did not expect her to answer and planned on hanging up if she did. <br><br>I came out and went under the covers to pretend we were having sex. I ‘made noises’ to make him think we were actually having sex. I picked up the phone and acted like I was adjusting the covers but really I was calling my mom. She answered and I quickly whispered ‘come over - girl’s house - police - come - please - r*ape - *girl’s name*. <br><br>I knew she had heard me because of the way he reacted. I continued to make noises and ‘push back’ at him to make him think we were having sex. Minutes felt like forever and I hoped my mom got the message. <br><br>And then, I really don’t know why but I blurted out, “I don’t like you. I don’t even know why I *f*** you. Oh, wait I know..because you make me.” And while I was saying all this, I allowed him to enter me. At this point I knew I couldn’t keep that up for long and wanted to end the situation before it escalated any further. <br><br>I remember hearing the door get smashed open. I pulled the covers off and yelled out extremely loud, “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF ME. NO! GET OFF ME!” <br><br>I don’t think I could have yelled loud enough for the people outside to hear but I’m sure my mom and the cops heard it. I also don’t think I could have said it any other way. I needed him to panic and get off me. <br><br>When he started panicking, I started hugging him and telling him not to move. He started pushing me off and that’s when the police came in. <br><br>Amongst all this he was saying ‘wait, what’s going on? - why are the cops here?’<br><br>And I screamed ‘get the cops out of here! Get my mom out of here! I’m trying to f*** him!’ <br><br>When I couldn’t delay any longer, I finally told him the truth. ‘I never intended on having sex with you. I never wanted to have sex with you. You made me uncomfortable and I was afraid to be alone with you. I didn’t bring the thing back sooner because I didn’t want to be alone with you.’<br><br>I then said the lie that stuck with me for a long time. “I don’t know if I should tell you this but.. I have aids. I was gonna tell you that’s why I didn’t want to have sex with you.” <br><br>And then the girl that was ‘hosting’ us said, “Oh, ‘girl’s name’, I have aids too!”<br><br>I was so shocked that I laughed extremely loud for someone who was recently exposed to such situation. <br><br>I never forgot that feeling. It was one of the most terrifying situations I have ever had to endure. When I finally had the courage to write this, it brought tears to my eyes. <br><br>I allowed too many strangers in my bed because I felt like I had to ‘make them happy’. I didn’t know how to say no, but that’s not an excuse. <br><br>I grew up in a ‘catholic household’ and I felt very guilty and ashamed for lying about having aids. <br><br>I have since grown and learned to let go of painful memories and stop feeling ashamed and guilty. <br><br>I still ‘hang out’ with strangers but now I ‘hang out’ on my own terms. <br><br>Edit: I grew up in a ‘catholic household’ but I don’t know if that’s the reason why I felt that way. I also had a lot of things happen to me. I didn’t go into much details but I didn’t want to make this post about the attack and more the aftermath. <br><br>I was in a lot of different relationships and situations as a result of ‘not knowing how to say no’<br><br>By no means am I ashamed or feel ‘guilty’ anymore but I still use protection even though I’m in a monogamous relationship.