You've been trapped in my mindset during every sexual encounter with a man. How does it feel knowing what it is like to be me?

I know a lot of men who claim I’m lying about what happens to me when I say I’m sexually assaulted. So here’s your POV. When I first started having sex, I was still a virgin. The 24 year old man I was dating asked me if I wanted to have sex without a condom and I was terrified. I didn’t want to get pregnant or catch an STD, but he wore me down so I agreed to it. He was too rough and it hurt, but he told me it always hurt the first time and went on to do it to me three times that night (I was just 16 years old). I was in agony for the next few days and had to skip school. I was bleeding and my vagina was so raw it hurt to walk. He said it was normal and it would only get better when my vagina became looser. I believed him because you always believe the people you love. I believed him right up until the time he strangled and spat on me during sex. <br><br>Fast forward a few years later when I’m in college. I’m dating a nice, nerdy guy who I would have trusted with my life. When I say yes to sex, he’s relieved I said yes to him. The first time he has sex with me is rough and quick. He grabs me by my throat, pulls my hair, and makes it painful. I try to say no and he tells me no one says no to him. I cry in bed that night and I find out the next morning he slept with someone else right after me. <br><br>My next boyfriend did things just as rough. So did the next. The next. The next. They know I’m in my early 20s, they know I’m a virgin, and they know I’ve never been allowed to say no. I am so scared every time I have sex and I know I’m in danger and I don’t know how to protect myself when it’s happening to me over and over again. <br><br>But I want to be normal. I want to be wanted. So I say yes to anyone who wants me. I never say no. I always let them do whatever they want, even if I know they’re going to hurt me. When I try to say no, I’m told I’m a tease. I’m told I’m lying. I’m told it never happened. After all, I’m a woman and we’re known liars.<br><br>Years later I meet my current partner and it’s different. They’re kind and gentle with me and when I say no, they say okay and never touch me again. But I can’t stop having flashbacks. Every time we’re intimate together, I’m reminded of what happened to me. That every time I said no, I was assaulted. I was hurt. I was abused. I am scared every time and I don’t know how to stop being scared.<br><br>This is what it’s like to be a woman. We’re always scared. We’re always hurt. We’re always assaulted. This is your punishment for being a man who assaulted a woman and got away with it. You will now know forever what it is like to be me.