A heartbreak in London

I'm in London for work and I was looking forward to seeing some of the sights in my spare time.<br><br>I'm sitting in a bookshop near my hotel, and as I browse the shelves, I absent-mindedly start to pick up a book and admire it. I've just realized that I no longer have a travel backpack to put it in. <br><br>I returned from my trip to Southeast Asia and Australia on February 17, 2020. I had to do a quick self-quarantine before starting my new job on March 1, 2020. And then of course the pandemic struck. I was working remotely for a while, but as my company grew and I was the only person there in Europe, I couldn't move around much. I started going to the office in September of that year. <br><br>As soon as the restrictions were lifted, I started to feel the itch to travel. But then came the next waves. <br><br>The travel backpack is still sitting in my room. I've even used it for weekend getaways to the countryside and to my sister's house in the north. But it's been almost 4 years since I've left the country. I had every intention of going to Scotland last year, but a storm ruined those plans. And then came the lockdown of last year. <br><br>It feels like I still have to get used to not being a backpacker anymore. Walking the streets of London feels like a holiday, but it's just not the same. I'm no longer the young person who thought I could get by without a phone and a bank account, all I need is my cash and my passport. I'm no longer a free spirit. <br><br>I'm living in a beautiful city, but it feels like I'm just going through the motions with work on weekdays and trying to pack my weekends with hikes or day trips. I miss that sense of adventure, not knowing where I'll be tomorrow. I miss the chaos of trying to book a room as cheaply as possible on the fly. I miss the thrill of stepping off a night bus at 5am. I no longer know how to be spontaneous. <br><br>I miss that sense of "because I can", and now my life feels like "because I have to".<br><br>I'm going to finish this book, buy another one, and head back to my flat. Then pack my bag for a weekend in Europe, at least. Because I can.<br><br>&#x200B;