I'm a mum of three and on my second divorce. I've realised I'm that I'm the root of the problem (again)

My kids will come to live with me permanently in May and I'm at a turning point where I need to decide how I want to live.<br><br>I've been to therapy (again), I've identified all the factors that contributed to my past (again) and I know what kind of relationship I want (again). I've thought about how I want to live (again) and what I want to do in the future (again).<br><br>I've never lived alone, I've never been single and I'm nearly 40. I've never really known what I want because I've never really experienced life. I just know what I don't want.<br><br>I want to live a simple life. I'm exhausted, I'm over relationships, I'm over trying to be a good partner, I'm over trying to prove myself. I feel tired and worn out at home, at work and I feel like I have nothing left for my kids. <br><br>Last night I asked myself the question - what do I want? And I couldn't answer it. I could tell you what I don't want but I've never really answered that question. <br><br>I know I want to feel calm, I want to feel okay with things not being perfect, I want to live sustainably and that's why I'm here.<br><br>I want to learn to live better in a way that doesn't destroy the planet and I feel like a minimalist way of living would help me with that.<br><br>I want to learn to live a simple life where I'm okay with things not being perfect. I want to be okay with the mess, with the dirt and the chaos.<br><br>I've spent my entire life trying to please everyone else and I feel like I'm at a turning point in my life where I'm ready to try and please myself.<br><br>Can anyone help? I know this isn't the typical post on this sub but I'm just looking for some advice.<br><br>Thank you for reading and thank you for any advice in the comments that you may have. <br><br>Tl,dr: I just turned 40, I'm twice divorced, I'm a mum of 3 and I'm sick of living my life for everyone else.