I had to kill myself for people to take my chronic illnesses seriously. How did we get to this?

I am not okay. <br>I am a 31-year-old woman living with multiple, life-threatening chronic illnesses. Three years ago, I woke up one day and my body stopped functioning. I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos, Lupus, and Autoimmune Ataxia. I went from being a successful executive at a major tech firm to not being able to walk or eat or even breathe normally.<br><br>I am not okay.<br><br>I had to kill myself for people to take my illnesses seriously. I was told to "go for a run" or "eat a salad" or "get a better job" as if any of these things would solve my problems. I had to go to the emergency room 10 times before I was finally admitted for observation. I spent my 28th birthday in the hospital being told it was all in my head. I spent my 29th birthday recovering from a very real brain injury I sustained because my body decided to literally fall apart. I spent my 30th birthday alone, crying in my bed because I didn't know how to celebrate being alive anymore. <br><br>The only thing that saved me was trying to kill myself. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out. After a year and a half of excruciating pain and suffering and being told I was making it all up, I finally snapped and tried to overdose on all of my medications. I woke up three days later in the ICU. It was the first time I had slept more than a couple of hours in over a year. I had been suffering from PTSD for so long I had forgotten what it was like to feel "good" or even "okay". I didn't know it was possible to sleep through the night until I did so. <br><br>When I woke up, I felt... different. I realized I had been so hyper-focused on my physical pain that I had ignored my mental health. I ignored the part of me that had been slowly dying for years, the part that wanted to die, the part that had finally tried to end it all. I started seeing a therapist and going to group sessions for people who are chronically ill. I started going to physical therapy. I started going to the gym. I started doing yoga. I started writing. I started painting. I started going on adventures. I started saying "yes" to everything, even when my body screamed at me to say "no". I learned to love my body for what it could do, not what it couldn't.<br><br>I am not okay, but I am alive. Barely. <br>I have good days and bad days. But I don't think I will ever be "okay" again. I will never be the woman I was before all this happened. I hate that woman. I hate her because she was ignorant, because she believed in the lies that our culture perpetuates about women and their bodies. I hate her because she internalized the misogyny that surrounds us. I hate her because she let it almost kill her.<br><br>This was preventable. I should have listened to my body. I should have advocated for myself. But I didn't, because I didn't think I needed to. I grew up in a society that tells women we are overdramatic, that we are weak, that we are making it all up. I thought these lies were true. I thought I was weak and dramatic and making it all up until it almost killed me. <br><br>I am not okay. <br>I am still suffering. I still hurt every day. But I am alive. I am alive because I finally listened to my body. I finally learned to advocate for myself. I finally learned to take care of myself. <br><br>We need to take care of each other. We need to listen to each other's bodies. We need to learn to advocate for each other. <br><br>I am not okay, but I am alive. And if you are reading this, then so are you. <br><br>Please, take care of yourself. Take care of your friends, your family, your coworkers. Take care of each other. Listen to each other's bodies. Advocate for each other. We don't have to suffer like this. We don't have to hurt so much. We don't have to die so young. <br><br>We can be "okay" again. But we have to listen to each other. <br><br>**TLDR: I had to kill myself to get people to take my chronic illnesses seriously. How did we get to this?**