Dear Parents Whose Adult Children Don't Talk To Them - It's Always Your Fault.

You were the adult when they were a child. If their first instinct, as soon as they get out from under your thumb, is to completely ignore you forever, you need to own the fact that you messed up as a parent at several, consistent, points along the road throughout your child's upbringing.<br><br>I don't care if it's because you pushed them too hard to succeed and they felt unappreciated. I don't care if you didn't set boundaries and they felt unstable. I don't care if you were an alcoholic who routinely embarrassed them. I don't care if you brushed off thebullying they suffered because you were too lazy to take action to end it. I don't care if you couldn't afford to provide for them because you spent all your money on booze, tobacco, video games, or your pretend friend's in the red-light district. I don't care if you were a control freak who wouldn't let them do anything and they feel you killed their spirit.<br><br>You failed as a parent, and you need to own that. You need to realize that you were the adult in the relationship. It was your responsibility to make sure they felt loved, safe, important, and valued.<br><br>When a parent says "my son/daughter won't talk to me" they always act as if it is the child who is flawed because of this. They act as if it's everyone else's fault - the child's friends, their own spouse, even the child themselves. They act as if the child's decision to ignore them forever is some sort of proof that the child is flawed and not the parents.<br><br>It's the parents who are flawed. They power dynamic between a parent and a child is too great for a kid to ever be in the wrong here. Every decision a parent makes affects their kid. Every action a parent does impacts their kid. Every choice a parent exercises affects their kid. The child, on the other hand, has no power over the parent. This isn't a 50/50 relationship. This is a relationship where the parents hold all the power, and if they abuse that power they need to take responsibility for it.<br><br>Of course, there are always exceptions. But if your kid doesn't talk to you, the first thing you need to do is take a hard, long look at yourself and realize that you probably messed up as a parent.