CMV: That if a woman in her 20s doesn't want to date a 30 year old man she is "ageist"

I have been hearing lately that "ageism" is a pervasive problem in the dating scene, and that young women in their 20s are particularly guilty of this, for not wanting to date men over 30. Apparently we are all just grossed out/seared by the idea of male baldness, or wrinkles, or whatever. But I think that's a simplification of the issue, and a way to guilt trip young women into dating someone much older than them out of some sort of feminist solidarity for the plight of middle aged men. The real issue is that men and women age very differently, and that many women in their 30s are still very attractive and have their whole lives ahead of them, meanwhile most men in their 30s have reached their professional and personal zenith, and are likely to be in decline from here on out. The same cannot be said for women in many fields, especially the arts. I know many women in their 30s who are still beautiful, successful, and have their whole lives ahead of them. I know far fewer men who are in the same position. This doesn't mean that I think that a 30 year old woman dating a 40 year old man is wrong, or that many 40 year old men are not very attractive. I just think that a 20 year old woman having no interest in dating a 30 year old man is completely reasonable in most cases.<br><br>There is a certain type of man who will actively pursue a relationship with a woman 5-10 years his junior, and these men are often described as "high value" who have "aged like a fine wine". This is a euphemism for a man who is wealthy, but lacks empathy, and has few if any friendships aside from maybe one or two other guys he knew from college/high school. These men are often described as "ladies men", but in reality they have no idea how to interact with women as genuine human beings rather than their own personal playthings. They often have a difficult time forming relationships with women who are their equals because they are so incapable of empathy, and are often uninterested in what a woman has to say, unless she is actively flirting with them. The reason they target younger women is because they know that we are more naive and more easily influenced, and because we are less experienced in the ways of the world. Young women are much more likely to tolerate the poor behavior of an older man, and we are often more eager to please because we are trying to prove ourselves in our early careers and in our first few relationships. Young women are also much more likely to be impressed by expensive displays of wealth. An expensive dinner, some designer clothes or shoes, a trip to paris, all of this seems wildly impressive to someone in their early 20s who is making $40k a year and living in a crappy studio apartment. These displays of wealth and status seem much more impressive to us because we have not yet seen how shallow and empty they really are. We are also much more likely to be impressed by the idea of dating an "older man" because we have been fed this fantasy by society since we were very young. We are told by society that dating an older man is more "sophisticated" and more "grown up" than dating someone our own age. We are also told that older men are better lovers, more established professionally, and more emotionally intelligent than younger men. In reality I have found this to be patently false. The reality is that dating an older man as a young woman is a wildly unequal power dynamic. The man is established professionally and financially, while the woman is still in the early stages of her career and trying to build her own wealth and financial stability. The woman is still figuring out her life, her career, and her friendships, while the man has already established these things. He is also much more likely to already know what he wants out of a relationship, while the young woman is still figuring out what she wants, and is often more willing to sacrifice her own needs/desires in order to appease her partner because she is still trying to prove herself. This leads to a power imbalance in which the man is able to use his wealth, status, and influence to get whatever he wants from the woman, while simultaneously making her feel like she is not good enough, and that she is lucky to have him. This is of course not true for every relationship between an older man and a younger woman, but it is certainly true for many. If you are a man in your 30s who is trying to date college aged women then there is a strong chance that you are the aforementioned "ladies man" type, and that your place in society is as an exploiter of many of the social ills that women face. This is especially true if you are dating women who are still in school, who are at the very beginning of their adult lives. As a young college aged woman you should run from these men as fast as you can. And to the men who do this I would say that we are not impressed by you or your wealth, and that if we were actually your equal in terms of social status, then you would probably be unemployed and living with your parents.<br><br>Edit: I realize that I may have come off as overly harsh towards some men, when my intention is not to demonize older men, but rather to say that a large power imbalance often exists in relationships between people of very different ages, and that this can lead to exploitation. As a young woman I have been guilty of fetishizing older men myself, and I have been on the receiving end of sexual harassment from older men in positions of authority. I do not think that every man in his 30s is an exploiter, but I also do not think that this is not a widespread issue. I think that it is reasonable for a young woman to not want to date someone significantly older than her, due to the power imbalance that often exists in these relationships. I am not saying that this power imbalance can never be mitigated, or that it always leads to abuse/exploitation, but I do think that it is often the case that the younger person in this type of relationship is more naive, and more easily influenced than their partner.