I'm so nervous I just messaged a girl I've had a crush on for the past year and a half asking her out

I've always knew her because our families are tight and our dad's were bestfriends in high school. But I didn't realise she was so beautiful until I was about 14, because she was this awkward gangly girl no one paid attention to. I just think she's a horrible influence on me, I get too nervous and all I can think about is her and I get so scared I'm gonna hurt myself doing stupid shit cause she's really into extreme sports stuff and I'm so worried I'm gonna fuck up and I think she's this indie rock girl who likes to shoplift and get high as a kite and I just sort of like doing my own thing and what I like isn't really the same as what she likes. But despite all that I can't get enough of her, I've always wanted to be bestfriends with her but she's never liked me I think I've just been infatuated for too long and the thought of taking her out on a date is making me completely straight up suicidal. Like I'm not even physically attractive at all but she has this pretty face and everything about her is so unique and beautiful it makes me want to die. I just hope she's gonna say yes to me but I really doubt it and I'm just sort of waiting for the rejection that's gonna kill me.