I have so much. I am so lonely.

I'm 37 triple digit body count, long term relationship, some replacement pregnancies, 4 cats, 2 pitbulls, neighbors who like me, friends who like me, 2 good jobs, forgiveness for my past mistakes from those who deserve to hate me, 2 children, owning my own home, and still I want to die. Life is not fun or worth living. I wonder why I'm here. The only reason I don't off myself is my kids. I want to play them one last song, watch them grow, but that is exhausting. I want nothing more than to go Home and be back with God. The Earth is a travesty, a terrible tragedy, and I am just tired of praying for better.<br><br>I wish we were in lovingkindness, I know we are not. <br><br>So I play. I play for the forgiveness I've been given, I play to have fun. I play to be the change I want to see in the world, but oh how I wish I could just be dead.