I (31F) just broke down in front of a friend (37F) due to the existential dread of this “choice”

I have always felt pretty sure I didn’t want kids. I grew up with mental health issues (not currently diagnosed or being treated) and I have been worried about passing anything on since I was a teenager. I’m currently just going about my daily life, got what I thought was a good man (I’ve been with him 6 years, we’re long distance), but have found out he was cheating on me. So that’s a whole mess but I’m moving out of my apartment. A friend (37F) has been letting me stay with her until everything blows over but it’s getting near Christmas. I was crying today to her about how this all just feels like too much and I’m starting to feel really isolated in the world, being so alone and spending Christmas with a friend while this happens and I break down crying and she says I should think of having a kid to have someone to spend Christmas with, and that I’ll regret going down the path I’m going down. I don’t want to be a mother (I really don’t think I can handle that) but the thought of growing older and being alone just feels so terrible. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want kids and I don’t want to be a single mother but I’m going to be sad if I’m spending holidays alone. I don’t know what to do, and I just feel like the world wants me to be sad no matter what I do.<br><br>Edit: thanks for all the support. Some of you have pointed out that this is a little ranty. I promise you guys, it is. I’ve been crying and I’m already going through a huge change but I’m trying to do that in a way that makes me happy, and if you guys would like to hear an update sometime I’d be happy to. <br><br>TLDR: friend said I won’t regret having kids but I can’t decide if I should have kids because I don’t want to be alone, but I also don’t want to be a mother.