One day I woke up to find my wife had been replaced with an alien, and strangely enough, I was completely ok with it.

One day I woke up to find my wife had been replaced with an alien, and strangely enough, I was completely ok with it.<br><br>I gotta stop putting on those sleep aids before bed. God damn things always give me weird-ass dreams but I never wake up feeling tired.<br><br>I sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. Ellen still wasn’t up so I hit the shower, ready to take on the day. I needed to go grocery shopping, and I think Ellen was going to pick up some more of those sleep aids. I liked those things a lot, but it was a bit of a bummer when the dreams got so real but I woke up from them and they’d be gone.<br><br>Once I was out of the shower I went into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and cracked open a nice cold beer. Ellen walked in behind me, putting away some dishes.<br><br>“Hey, baby.”<br><br>“Hey! How’d you sleep?”<br><br>“Not bad, I had a dream you were an alien and we were living in a UFO and it was going through a wormhole. It wasn’t a nightmare, just… interesting.”<br><br>“That does sound neat,” she said. I could never tell when she was joking and when she was serious. Oh well.<br><br>We made it to the grocery store and I got a nice cold six-pack of IPA. When I got home I cracked one open immediately, feeling nice and refreshed. Before too long we were in bed, and once again, I slept like a baby.<br><br>The next morning I woke up in ancient Egypt. I was pharaoh, and my wife was an Anubis. All the slaves were worshiping us, begging us to take them to the afterlife when they died. I don’t think they know how good they had it.<br><br>“Hey, Anubis-wife.”<br><br>“Hello, pharaoh-husband.”<br><br>“How the hell did we end up in ancient Egypt?”<br><br>“I don’t know, pharaoh. But I do know that the sleep aids we got are very powerful. Remember when we took one and we woke up in the stone age?”<br><br>“Oh, yeah,” I said. “I don’t like that one.”<br><br>“Why not?” she asked.<br><br>“Well, because you were a God damn mammoth and you were so big and I had to travel so far just to find you. I’m not built for long-distance walking, you know.”<br><br>“Yes, I know. Mammoths aren’t built for long-distance walking either. But we found each other, didn’t we?”<br><br>“Yes. And then we mated.”<br><br>She looked down at me with her big brown eyes and his long eyelashes. “Yes, we did. And now look where we are.”<br><br>I thought about it for a moment, how the two of us had went from being two mammoths in the stone age to an Egyptian pharaoh and Anubis.<br><br>“Alright, his wife-Anubis. Let’s go rule Egypt.”<br><br>“Sounds good to me.”<br><br>I cracked open a beer, feeling nice and refreshed. I think Ellen and I were going to go see a movie, but I’m not entirely sure. Before too long it was time to go to bed, so I took another sleep aid. I don’t know what I’d do without those things.<br><br>But at least I had Ellen. God damn, what a lucky man I am.<br><br>This time when I woke up I was in a pineapple under the sea. I was a starfish and Ellen was a clam. There was a sponge sitting on the bed next to us, and when he saw me he immediately started talking.<br><br>“Oh my god, you’re awake, you’re awake! You’re finally awake!”<br><br>I groggily sat up in bed. “Who are you?”<br><br>“My name is SpongeBob SquarePants,” he said. “I’m a fry cook for Mr. Krabs. You know, the owner of the Krusty Krab?”<br><br>“I see.”<br><br>“You know, when Patrick and I go jellyfishing, we always throw the jellyfish in that bucket over there.” He pointed to a bucket in the corner of the room.<br><br>“Good to know,” I said. I wasn’t really sure what to make of the situation, but I had gotten used to this kind of thing happening. Ellen, being the clam that she is, just sort of… existed. Sorry, baby, but I’m sure you’ll agree with me.<br><br>I cracked open a beer and sat down in my favorite armchair. Directly across from me was a Patrick Star, and he was drinking a beer just like me.<br><br>“You know, buddy, what’s your wife’s name?”<br><br>“She’s a clam. I call her ‘Ellen’ for lack of a better term.”<br><br>“Oh, that’s a pretty name,” said the starfish that was sitting on the floor. “I’m Patrick Star.”<br><br>“Nice to meet you, Patrick. How’s it going?”<br><br>“It’s going good, I guess. I don’t know, I always forget.”<br><br>“Well, I’m having a pretty good day.” I said.<br><br>“Why’s that?” asked Patrick.<br><br>“Because I got my six-pack of IPA from the liquor store.”<br><br>The starfish and the sponge both looked at me. “What’s liquor?” asked Patrick.<br><br>“You know,” I said. “Beer, wine, rum. Stuff that you drink to get drunk.”<br><br>“I know what you’re talking about!” said SpongeBob. “Krusty Krab sells liquor but I don’t think it’s supposed to be booze.”<br><br>“What do you mean?” I asked, shocked.<br><br>“I know they serve liquor,” said SpongeBob, “but they don’t serve booze till eight o’clock.”<br><br>“Well, what kind of booze do you sell?” I asked.<br><br>“Oh, you know,” said SpongeBob, “rum, beer, wine. Stuff like that.”<br><br>“Then why on Earth do you call it ‘liquor’?” I asked.<br><br>“Dunno. I guess it’s just an old-fashioned spelling,” he said.<br><br>I laughed. I wasn’t sure why, but I was having a pretty good time.<br><br>Every day I’d wake up somewhere new, but somehow, it felt like home. Not because of the place, but because of the person I was with. Ellen.<br><br>I’m not sure how it is that she’s still Ellen every time but somehow it’s true. I’m not sure how but I think it’s because I’m still me, and she’s still my wife.<br><br>That night before bed I cracked open yet another beer and popped yet another sleep aid. I fell fast asleep and had one hell of a good dream.<br><br>The next morning I woke up in my own bed. Ellen was sleeping next to me. I drew her into a hug, holding her close.<br><br>“Good morning,” Ellen said. “How’d you sleep?”<br><br>“I had a good dream,” I said, but I realized it wasn’t just a dream. It was my life, my reality. And I was completely okay with it.