[UPDATE] My (20M) girlfriend (20F) told me she stopped loving me over a year ago but took us to an open relationship out of fear that I would kill myself if we broke up

Hello. I posted a few days ago, and since I got a lot of feedback and questions, I decided to make an update and clear things up, and also talk about some things I've learned from the comments.<br><br>Thanks to people in this sub and other subs I posted on, I was able to understand that the best path to follow is self-love and self-improvement. A lot of people told me I should do things I love, surrounding myself with people I care about, and so on, and that made me realize that I wasn't taking proper care of myself, and this was the source of most of my problems. <br><br>I still haven't talked to her about the things we've talked here, and I still haven't told her that I know she stopped loving me, but I will as soon as I can. I still feel like I'm in a foggy state of mind and I'm not ready yet to have this conversation.<br><br>Something that I didn't talk about in the first post and people here made me realize is that she made me feel like I owe her something. People called me a "stepping stone" and other stuff that made me feel like I'm in her debt, and it made me understand why I feel this way. Ive also been told that I FEEL like I owe her something, but that doesn't mean that I actually do. <br><br>This feeling of being in debt is the root of my lack of self-love. I feel like I have to keep her happy, and I'm afraid to do anything that would make her upset. I am not able to say "no" because I feel like I got to do it, because I owe her. I have to do what she tells me to do because otherwise I would fail her. As I said, I've been feeling this way ever since we got together. <br><br>I just want to say that I'm still not ready to end the relationship. I know a lot of you told me to do it, but I don't feel like I can. I feel like ending the relationship before talking to her would be a betrayal for some reason, and I don't know, man. This is kinda embarrassing to admit, but I still love this woman with all my heart, and I can't do it. I'm not defending her behavior or excusing her or anything, I just know that I'm not ready to let go. <br><br>Im sorry if this disappoints you, but I feel like people here pushed me to break up with her. Yeah, she might have stopped loving me, but she still takes care of me. Yeah, she might have told me she stopped loving me, but she still holds me and tells me she cares about me. Yeah, she might not love me, but she's still my best friend, and she still protects me from everything. Yeah, she lied to me, and manipulated me, and used me, but she still cares about me. Yeah, she told me she stopped loving me, but she still loves me. <br><br>I know it might not make sense for you, but that's how I feel. I want to help her, I want to show her I can be better, I want to show her I can be a better boyfriend. I want to show her I can be a better man. I want to show her I care, I want to show her I'm not the dumb s*** I've been. I want to show her I can be someone she would love. <br><br>Im sorry if this is too long, I just needed to let it out of my chest. I also want to thank the people who gave me advice and support. <br><br>Tldr: I'm not ready to break up with her. I need to talk to her and then I'll be ready to make a decision. I'm going to work on myself.