My Sleeping Bag Keeps Me Safe

I’ve always had an irrational fear of monsters under the bed, which is really a dumb phobia if you think about it. There’s no reason why monsters would want to live under beds. It doesn’t make sense. If monsters were real, then surely they’d want to live in forests or something. Or the ocean. *Not* under beds. I mean, it’s just illogical. But still, I couldn’t shake the fear. That is, until I got my trusty sleeping bag.<br><br>I had it when I was a kid. I would sleep in it sometimes when I was scared, and it always made me feel safe. It’s not really a normal sleeping bag. I mean, it’s kind of... magical. It was given to me by a woman I’d never met before. She came to my door one day when I was about eight years old. And she handed me the sleeping bag and said, “This will keep you safe.”<br><br>I probably should have been creeped out by that, but I wasn’t. For some reason I just trusted her. And when she was gone, I took the sleeping bag inside and I opened it up and crawled inside and it just... felt safe. It was like nothing could hurt me in it. Like I was invincible. And it also smelled nice. Like the forest.<br><br>So that’s why I still have it. It’s stupid, I know. It’s a kid’s thing, something I should’ve outgrown by now. But for some reason, I just feel more at ease when I’m in it.<br><br>I sleep in it sometimes. Or I keep it next to my bed and stick my feet in it to help me fall asleep. It’s comforting. It’s my security blanket, my comfort object, it’s what keeps me safe from the monsters under the bed.<br><br>My girlfriend thinks it’s sweet, but she doesn’t fully understand it. She’s not like me. She’s not afraid of monsters. I’ve tried explaining it to her, but she just doesn’t get why I want to sleep in a bag. She’s also not a fan of the smell. She says it’s too “earthy”. I like it. It smells like the forest.<br><br>I met my girlfriend, Beth, in college. By that time I’d pretty much stopped sleeping in it, but I still had it. One night, for shits and giggles, I showed it to her, and she laughed at me. But not in a mean way. In a cute way. In a way that I found really sexy.<br><br>She asked if she could go in it, and I said sure. But I told her, “I have to go in first.”<br><br>“Why?”<br><br>“Just go in first.”<br><br>“Okay.”<br><br>I climbed into the sleeping bag. The material of the inside was really soft, and the outside was hard, like leather or something. I don’t know what it was actually made of. I just knew it was strong.<br><br>Then Beth crawled inside, kind of awkwardly, until we were both in there together. It was hot, but it was nice. It was like our own little cocoon. Our own little world. We did it in the sleeping bag that night. I know it seems weird, but it was nice. I felt safe and it was nice.<br><br>After that she was fine with it. In fact, she even preferred it. She said the sleeping bag was like a magic womb. And she wasn’t kidding. It *was* kind of like that.<br><br>We still have sex in it sometimes. Like, once a month. Or twice. And we’ll play games in it. Like cards or jacks or sometimes we’ll play “Guess Who”. She likes the sleeping bag now.<br><br>We don’t sleep in it anymore, of course. That would be too weird. But it’s nice to sometimes just crawl into it, cuddle up, and talk. What with work and everything, it’s hard to find the time anymore, but we used to do that a lot in the beginning. We’d just be in the sleeping bag together, face to face. It was very intimate.<br><br>And when I’m alone, I like to get in it and read or something. Sometimes I’ll even watch TV inside it, albeit awkwardly, but it’s worth it. It feels like my own little world.<br><br>We’ve even taken it on vacation. We took it camping once, and that was nice. It was kind of funny, taking a sleeping bag camping. But it was worth it. It was nice to be in it in the forest, surrounded by all those trees.<br><br>We also took it to the beach once. It was a pain dragging it through the sand, but we did it. We took it on the beach and we got inside and it was nice. It was like our own little beach hut. Our own little cocoon. We were hidden from the rest of the world.<br><br>I know this all probably seems a bit weird, but it’s just one of those things I guess. It’s just something I need. And Beth is fine with it now. She probably even likes it more than I do. But I don’t mind that. In fact, it makes me happy. It’s nice to have someone to share the sleeping bag with.<br><br>So yeah. I know it’s kind of weird, but it’s just part of who I am. There are worse things I could be obsessed with. Drugs. Or video games. Or something. So I don’t mind it. I don’t mind that the sleeping bag is my comfort thing.<br><br>But sometimes, I’ve been having some weird thoughts. I mean, really weird. Like, I’ll be lying next to Beth at night, and I’ll get some pressure in my chest, and I just have to go into the sleeping bag. I *have* to. I have to be in it. It’s kind of like a panic attack or something, and the only way I can get rid of it is to go into the sleeping bag.<br><br>I’ll go into the sleeping bag and I won’t come out for a while. I’ll be in there, just breathing, and slowly I’ll start to feel better. The pressure will go away. I’ll stop worrying. I’ll stop having those weird thoughts.<br><br>Beth kind of finds it disturbing, I think. But I can’t help it. I *have* to go into the sleeping bag when I’m like that. I *have* to. There’s no way around it.<br><br>And besides, it’s not all bad. At least I’m not afraid of monsters anymore. That’s the funny thing. Ever since I’ve been having these... episodes, I haven’t been afraid of monsters at all. Not monsters under the bed, not monsters in general. I’m not afraid of anything.<br><br>I just need to go into the sleeping bag sometimes, and then I’m fine. And Beth has even gone into it with me sometimes. We’ll be in there together, and I’ll feel better. I don’t know why, I just do.<br><br>It’s nice. It’s like our own little world.<br><br>I’ve been sleeping in the sleeping bag a lot more lately, though. That’s just a side effect of the episodes. But I’m not really complaining. It’s nice. It feels safe.<br><br>And I’ve been having some weird dreams. Like, I’ll be... I don’t know, I’ll be doing something, and then I’m not, I’m doing something else, and it’s not really logical, but it’s not weird either, it’s just strange. It’s not like a normal dream. It’s not like my mind is playing tricks on me. It’s... different.<br><br>But it’s nice, I guess. It’s like our own little world.<br><br>I’ve also been having some pain in my skin. Like, it’s itching or something, and it feels like something is... moving around underneath it or something, but that’s probably just my imagination playing tricks on me. It’s probably just because of the episodes.<br><br>I don’t know, though. I’ve also been feeling really paranoid lately. I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me, like there’s something living under my skin. I probably just need to take a shower. I probably just need to go into the sleeping bag.<br><br>It’s stupid, I know. I know it’s just my imagination. I know it’s just the episodes. I know it’s just a side effect of the sleeping bag.<br><br>But sometimes I get the feeling that something is wrong, something is really wrong, and I don’t know what it is, I just know it is.<br><br>I’m probably just being paranoid. I’m probably just being silly. I’m probably just—<br><br>Oh shit, sorry. I have to go. I’m sorry. I don’t have time to talk anymore. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to just end the conversation like this, I just don’t have time to talk anymore. I hope you can understand. I hope you can forgive me.<br><br>I’m sorry.<br><br>Oh shit oh shit oh shit, I have to go, I *have* to go, I—<br><br>(Interruption. Line disconnected)