A Chef's Table for One

My husband and I are foodies. Every week, we’d travel to a different restaurant. It didn’t matter what food, just as long as the word Chef appeared in the name of the restaurant. I love fine dining.<br><br>The problem, of course, is that my husband died. It’s been a few weeks. I still haven’t figured out how to do a lot of things—how to cry in bed all day and ignore the space next to me, how to tell my friends what to do with his remains, how to order a single ticket for a movie.<br><br>One thing I can do is eat.<br><br>Lately, I’ve been going to restaurants without him. I imagine he’s there with me. It isn’t a chore. I know it’s what he would have wanted.<br><br>The problem isn’t the food, it’s the times when food isn’t in my mouth. When I’m eating at a restaurant, I can pretend he’s still there. But I can’t stop eating. <br><br>Not that I want to.<br><br>I love fine dining.<br><br>I love the way that, as long as I’m eating, I can pretend he’s still there.<br><br>One day, I found a restaurant that served the best food I’d ever had. I imagined my husband there with me. I ate with gusto. And I never wanted to stop.<br><br>The first time I saw it, I was wandering through a part of town I’d never been to before. My husband used to love getting lost in the city. I never did, but it felt right. And so, I was wandering. <br><br>I stumbled upon a restaurant. It was called Chef’s Table. I couldn’t see much through the windows. I also couldn’t see a door, but I knew that wasn’t a problem. Fine dining restaurants were never for public display. Chef’s Table must have been a gem.<br><br>If my husband was still here, he would have loved it.<br><br>I walked over and knocked. The door opened. I stepped inside. <br><br>The door slid shut behind me. I heard it lock. <br><br>A man stood in front of me. He was dressed in a black tuxedo. <br><br>I couldn’t see his head.<br><br>“Welcome to Chef’s Table. I am your waiter.”<br><br>“Thank you, sir.”<br><br>“Yes. You are right to be thankful. You have arrived at the greatest restaurant in the world. It is a great honor to eat here.”<br><br>I didn’t respond. I felt like I should be quiet.<br><br>“Before you continue, you must understand the rules. The rules are very important.”<br><br>“Yes, sir! I will follow all of them!”<br><br>“You are very polite. I appreciate this. Very well. The first rule is that you must be respectful. If you are not, you will be asked to leave. If you continue to be disrespectful, we will remove you. This has never happened before. You seem like a polite young lady. I am not worried.”<br><br>“Yes, sir! Of course!”<br><br>“I am glad. The second rule is that you must eat. All of the food. At all times.”<br><br>“Yes, sir! That sounds wonderful!”<br><br>“I am glad you think so. The food here is delicious. The third and final rule is that you cannot ask questions. If you ask a question, you will be asked to leave. If you continue to ask questions, we will remove you. This has never happened before. You seem like a young lady who follows rules. I am not worried.”<br><br>“Yes, sir. I will never ask questions!”<br><br>“I am glad. Now, are you ready to dine?”<br><br>“Yes, sir! Of course!”<br><br>“Very well. Your table is ready. This way, please!”<br><br>We walked through the restaurant. It was nice. I saw a lot of people eating. I wanted to eat with them.<br><br>The waiter stopped me in front of a door.<br><br>“This is your table.”<br><br>I opened the door. I stepped inside.<br><br>The door closed behind me. I heard it lock. <br><br>I was alone. I cried. I missed my husband. I wanted to leave. I wanted to ask questions.<br><br>Then I saw the table.<br><br>It was beautiful. There was a single chair in front of it. There was a single plate of food on top of it.<br><br>This was my table.<br><br>I sat in my chair. I ate my food. It was delicious. <br><br>I realized that my husband was here with me. I could see him now. <br><br>I was so happy.<br><br>But I also felt bad. This food was so good. I wanted more.<br><br>As soon as I finished, a man came in. He took my plate. He gave me a new one. <br><br>The food was delicious. I ate it all. I finished. <br><br>I realized that my husband was getting hungry. He wanted more food.<br><br>The man came in. He took my plate. He gave me a new one.<br><br>The food was delicious. I ate it all. I finished.<br><br>I realized that my husband was getting angry. He wanted more food. Now.<br><br>The man came in. He took my plate. He gave me a new one.<br><br>I ate. <br><br>I ate. <br><br>I ate.<br><br>And sometimes, when my husband was particularly hungry, the man came in and gave me a new plate of food before I finished. <br><br>This was my table. <br><br>I was so happy. I could eat all the food I wanted. My husband could eat all the food he wanted. <br><br>Sometimes, after I finished, the food was cleared and the space next to me was empty. <br><br>It was okay. I could imagine that my husband was there. I could imagine that he was eating with me.<br><br>This was Chef’s Table. I ate here for the rest of my life. <br><br>My husband was with me every time.<br><br>[ETA] Some people have been asking me about the food. I don’t remember the specifics of any of the dishes. There are so many of them, and they change every time. I only know that it’s delicious, and my husband loves it. <br><br>[ETA] Some people have been asking how I’m posting this. I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m worried about more important things. <br><br>[ETA] Some people have been asking about my health. I’m fine. I’m happy. I’m eating. My husband is eating. There’s nothing else in the world I could want.<br><br>[ETA] Some people have been asking about the restaurant. I’m trying to find it again. I can’t. Someone told me it only appears once, to one person, for their entire life. <br><br>[ETA] Some people have been asking where my husband is. He’s with me. He’s always with me, as long as I keep eating. <br><br>[ETA] Some people have been asking what happened to my husband. I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m worried about more important things. <br><br>[ETA] Some people have been asking me to stop eating. I won’t. I’m too happy. I’m too worried that my husband will get hungry. <br><br>[ETA] Some people have been asking me to stop posting. I won’t. I’m too happy. I’m too worried that my husband will get hungry. <br><br>[ETA] Some people have been asking me to kill myself. I won’t. I’m too happy. I’m too worried that my husband will get hungry.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a word counter.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a bot.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a troll. <br><br>[ETA] I am not a ghost.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a part of a social experiment.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a part of a psychological test.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a part of a commercial.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a part of a movie.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a part of a TV show.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a part of anything, except for what I say I am a part of, and I am only saying what I am saying because I am a person who is saying what I am saying.<br><br>[ETA] I am not Luka. I am not Adam. I am not Eve.<br><br>[ETA] I am not a person who is looking for attention. I am a person who is eating. <br><br>[ETA] I am not a person who wants to be saved. I am a person who is eating. <br><br>[ETA] I am not a person who wants you to be worried about me. I am a person who is eating. <br><br>I am a person who is eating.