Sexy women scare me to death

I'm not a kid. I'm an adult. And yes, to be blunt, I'm a lonely middle aged bachelor. My job pays well, even if it does suck. I didn't choose it, it chose me. Being the son and grandson of Army Infantrymen ensures some measure of stoicism and perseverance. I'm average looking, but have always been thick. Not overweight mind you, but I have muscle mass and look like I work out - even though I haven't since my early twenties. I've always been historically aware, so I've never really been into women for the last ten years or so, other than for their bodies. I've always made good money, so I've seen my fair share of prostitutes, and I've always been the type to prefer one hot woman over several mediocre ones. I've even had a sugarbaby before.... She was too young for me (I'm in my 40s now and she was in her 20s at the time). But she was hot, and she liked me for who I am (or at least she said she did, LOL). I'm not a really sexual person.... But I have come to realize that sex is just a part of the human experience. It's like eating or shitting. I've had my fair share of "dating" but I absolutely loathe women. I just loathe them - all of them. In my opinion, there is nothing worse than aSexy woman. I don't know why, perhaps it's just my lack of confidence, but I picture myself out on a date with a hot woman, her smiling, flirting with me, grinding up against me, kissing me, even holding my hand. And I picture myself just vomiting out all of my insecurities. I picture myself breaking down crying because I'm just so nervous. I picture myself saying or doing something dumb because of my nervousness, her laughing and telling her friends, and basically just being humiliated. I've never been rejected by a woman before, at least not that I can recall, but they just make me so goddamn nervous. I hate them. I hate how I feel when I'm around them, I hate how I feel after a date, I hate the stress of courting, and I hate how much I want them. I hate myself for wanting them so badly. I just find them so terrifying. I know I'm not the only person who feels like this though.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>So I've come to the conclusion that I just need to get over it. I need to just go out there and start dating. Maybe I'll meet someone I like. Maybe I'll get hurt. But I just can't keep living like this. Deep down though, I know I'm just going to end up alone, with only my job and my money.