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My childfree wake up call came in the funeral car. The happier I was in finding my first boyfriend at 19 and falling in love for the first time, the more it hurt when I woke up in the hospital where he was dying and found out I was 13 weeks pregnant. At 17 I was told I would never be able to have children because of my genetic defects and this was virtually a miracle, his child. He had no one to inherit his wealth and fortune and I had no one to share it with. He was called to go to his grave on our 3rd year anniversary and I had no one to hold nor cherish. <br><br>I gave birth to triplets and it was in the car on the way to his funeral that I found out that I was capable of loving 3 people. But I also realized that I had no interest in raising children. They were the most precious beings and I was still grieving my loss while having to care for them. <br><br>I was in a state of utter chaos and even considered aborting them because I was not ready to become a mother. After all, I was pregnant at 19 and expecting to live the best years of my life. I was in a swimming competition and I won 2 gold medals, I got into law school, I was in the best shape of my life and I would have to change this to become a mother. I had his fortune but I did not have him. <br><br>I was in the funeral car and I was breastfeeding one of the triplets and I suddenly got a heart attack and they had to grind through my bones to save my life without even waiting for them to open me up. I remember my sister screaming in horror while they were slicing my bones with a mechanical saw. <br><br>I woke up and they told me I had to have a pacemaker for the rest of my life along with a stent for my heart. I was virtually handicapped and only 23. I was already breaking down after 6 months of raising the triplets and realized it was not for me. <br><br>After a year of raising them I knew raising triplets was not for me and that I needed to give them up for adoption. I was barely 24 and not in the best health and I didn't know if I could still have children. I recently turned 30 and I still want to be childfree as much as I was when I was 24.