2 years ago, I posted on r/saltierthancrait that I had dropped Red Dead Redemption 2 in exchange for a copy of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. Today, I return to you here with the results of that exchange.

A lot can happen in 2 years. Like the world erupting into a global pandemic. Or, say, the collapse of a respect long-held franchise. But looking back on that exchange I realized that the consequences of that media trade, in retrospect, was so impactful on my own personal worldview that I just had to share.<br><br>Back in 2019, I was fresh off the heels of TWO Disney Star Wars movies and in a heated state of mind. I would spend hours doing nothing but posting on forums about Disney Star Wars and the aggressive downfall of the franchise that I had grown so fond of as a child. I was convinced that my own personal childhood media experiences were being outright defiled by Disney’s handling of the franchise, and in a lot of ways I still do. I was so caught up in my hatred that I found myself angry with what I saw as “normie” consumers, whose exchanges with Disney ultimately enabled the products I despised. I knew I couldn’t change my childhood, but I could certainly do my part to not be complicit in Disney’s efforts to disfigure it. So I went to great lengths to boycott Disney, and I looked at others who didn’t with great disdain, as if they were the enemy.<br><br>Back in 2019, I was gifted a copy of Red Dead Redemption 2 for Christmas. I was immediately taken with the game’s massive, detailed gameworld, it’s fluid controls, and the vast capacity of its storytelling. I had sunk dozens of hours into the game, and was still exploring all the features it had to offer. But then I realized that that game, by Rockstar, was enabling a system that I despised- one where games are made with only profit in mind, and where the developers who create the games are themselves exploited for the sake of big business. Upset at this revelation, I posted that I intended to drop Red Dead Redemption 2 in exchange for a copy of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. I was convinced that, by choosing this path, I was making a choice that would allow me to see the systems of power and greed that controlled my media, and rebel against them. I was convinced that I had taken a principled stance against a system of profit and greed.<br><br>But what ended up happening instead? I found that my newfound animosity for the game and those who played it only fueled my own sense of paranoia and distrust. I found myself on heated rants against Rockstar, Rockstar Games, the Rockstar Games development team, and even the millions of people who simply enjoyed Red Dead Redemption 2. I incessantly argued with people who did play the game, and loudly proclaimed that they were complicit in the system I despised and enabled by their very exchange with Disney. I began to isolate myself from my friends who continued to play the game, looking at them with suspicion and distrust. I began to lose friends, and I was miserable.<br><br>But then something changed. I started watching videos of streamers who were 100% completionists. I was fascinated by the way the camera captured the beautiful world of Red Dead 2. I was fascinated by the intricate level of detail in the game. I missed the feeling of exploring the world with your posse. I asked a friend if I could come over to their house and play again. They were thrilled. I sat down and played for hours, marveling at the excellent graphics and the story. I was having fun. I realized that my exchange with Disney hadn’t proven anything except that I was an impulsive idiot. I went out and bought a copy of Red Dead Redemption 2, and vowed to never let my hatred for Rockstar Games get in the way of the fun I had playing video games ever again. I still play Red Dead 2, and I still love it. <br><br>The same thing happened with Star Wars. Disney’s handling of the franchise, particularly in The Rise of Skywalker, only fueled my own paranoia and anger. It pushed me to isolate myself from my friends who loved the franchise, and it fueled my intense distrust and animosity. But as I reflected on those last 2 years, I realized that it didn’t accomplish anything. I was still a miserable person, and I was still looking at Star Wars from a place of disdain. I decided to rewatch the prequels over the weekend a few weeks ago. I had so much fun. Watching George Lucas’ vision for the Star Wars universe come to life was so much fun. I realized that my hatred for Disney and my hatred for other fans hadn’t accomplished anything except make me miserable. I vowed, like before, to never let my hatred of Disney get in the way of the fun I had watching Star Wars ever again. I still watch Star Wars, and I still love it. <br><br>In retrospect, my exchange of Red Dead Redemption 2 with Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker proved something that I never could have anticipated- that hatred and paranoia can lead to intense media-induced misery.