I come from a troubled place

I'm 35, and I've been shoplifting since I was about 12. I was in a terrible home situation as a child. My father was an alcoholic and kept a strict home. My mother left when I was about 9 and my siblings and I were in foster care for a few years before being bounced back to him. I've never been a bad kid, never wanted to be one. I had some friends who also came from pretty terrible homes, and none of us had any money. We'd head to the local convenience store to grab snacks and food that we could not afford, because no one at home bothered to care if we were fed. <br><br>Since then, I've kept doing it. No reason, just habit, I guess. I've never been caught, or I'd probably be in jail. I'm so scared that I will get caught one of these days, but I still can't stop myself.<br><br>If I didn't shoplift, I wouldn't have eaten from age 9-15. I'm not saying that's a good excuse for the rest of my life. I know that I need to stop.<br><br>I just wanted to post this to let it sit out in the open for a while.<br><br>Edit: Wow, thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate them. I can't respond to each of you, but I need to correct some of the assumptions about me.<br><br>I am not saying that I don't make enough money to afford to eat. I do, and I certainly don't go to the grocery store and steal food anymore. It's not about the money. I probably bring home about 4,000 a month, plus my husband working a good job. We have PLENTY of food, plenty of money. But I also have a habit. I haven't shoplifted food in years, I don't need to steal to eat. Now it's mostly liquor, sometimes soda or bottled water, household items. I have a compulsion to do it.<br><br>I have never shoplifted books. As a child, I only saw libraries a handful of times. I read voraciously. I am an avid reader and always have been. But as a child, you can only bring home so much before people notice.<br><br>I am not white. I know I'm privileged by being in a position that I am not desperate, so I'm not stupid enough to steal giant televisions or anything expensive. I get it, and I will probably stop. I think this post has only solidified that in my mind. I just wanted to let it out, and I truly appreciate the kindness and words of advice from most of you.