Depressed. Want friends but too restrictive.

I asked my gf do I ever get to see my friends from high school again. She said no. I’m 20 btw. <br><br>I miss her. It’s been 7 years. I won’t lie that I’m still in love with her. But it’s not just that. I miss the friendship I had with her. I miss my friends. I just miss friends. I’m 20. I’m lonely. I’ve lost 2 friends in the last 3 years. One I lost to depression. One to murder. <br><br>I want friends. I want new relationships. But I’m too anxious. I want to get out of the house but I’m too anxious. I’m tired. <br><br>I want a new life. I want to leave my problems behind. I don’t want to be lonely anymore. <br><br>I just want to do it all alone. I’m restrictive. I don’t interact with people. I don’t date. I do nothing. <br><br>I’m a failure.