I had a hard time sleeping last night

I was thinking about how last night could've ended up worst than it was. I've been having nightmares about it and I don't know what to do.<br><br>It was just a normal day for me, I was at the grocery store getting some stuff to make dinner for myself. I was in the canned goods section getting some tomato sauce for spaghetti, and I noticed there was a guy behind me. He was sort of tall, but not too tall. He had black hair that fell to his shoulders, and piercing blue eyes. He was pretty average looking, I don't know why I'm describing him to you guys. <br><br>He was behind me, and I felt a bit uncomfortable. I thought it was just my anxiety, but then he started talking to me. 'Oh, that looks good. It's a great brand. You'll love it.'<br><br>I didn't respond at first. I sort of froze up, my heart pounding in my chest. I didn't know what to do. I've been in these situations before. I didn't want to be rude, but I just wanted to leave. There was something about him that made me feel like I had to run. If only I had. If only I had left sooner. If only I had been braver.<br><br>I finally got the courage to talk to him. I said, 'Thank you.'<br><br>I didn't look at him. I sort of looked up around his chest area, but I didn't look him in the eyes. I didn't know what else to say. I didn't want to engage him. I didn't want him to think we were friends or anything. If only I had been more assertive. I was so scared. If only I had left. I just grabbed the sauce and go to the self checkout.<br><br>I tried to speed up the process, but he somehow caught up to me. I had just scanned the sauce and was putting it in a bag, when he walked up behind me.<br><br>'You know,' he said, 'I'm actually following you.'<br><br>I didn't respond. I didn't know what to do. My heart was pounding in my chest. I felt my legs tremble. I didn't want to mess up. I felt like I was in a chess game with him.<br><br>'You know,' he said, 'I'm not a good guy.'<br><br>I still didn't respond. He got closer to me. I could feel his breath on my neck. I wanted to cry. I felt like a little girl. If only I had been braver. I grabbed my stuff and left as fast as I could.<br><br>I walked outside to my car and sort of ran around to the driver's side. I looked back, and he was following me. I sort of panicked. I got into my car and I locked the doors. I didn't look at him. I didn't want to make eye contact with him. I started the car and I sped off.<br><br>I didn't look back. I didn't want to know if he was following me. I just drove. I drove to a place a few blocks away from my house and stopped, and looked in my rear view mirror. I didn't see him. I was releaved.<br><br>I drove home, and I locked my doors. I didn't look back. I didn't want to know if he was there. I just wanted to be safe. I wanted to be alone.<br><br>If only I had left sooner. If only I had been braver. If only I had been more assertive. I could've been hurt last night. I could've been raped. I could've been kidnapped. I could've been killed. I don't know what he was planning. I don't know what he wanted. I don't know what his intentions were. I just know I got lucky.<br><br>I feel so stupid. I feel weak. I feel like a little girl. I feel like I failed myself. I could've been braver. I could've been stronger. I could've been better. I am so angry with myself. I am so angry that this happened. I am so angry that I have to live in a world where I have to be afraid all the time.<br><br>I just want to be safe. I just want to be alone. I just want to be protected from them. I know that there are good men in the world, but I also know there are bad men. And I don't want to be hurt by a bad man. I am so tired of living in a society where I have to be afraid of men. I am tired of being afraid. I just want to be safe.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>Edit: I wrote this last night while I was angry, and it's not very well written. But it's how I felt at that moment. I'm not trying to portray all men as monsters, just the ones who are.