I'm sure my Dad has killed people and I don't know what to think of that.

18F. My dad used to work for the government when he was young and that's all I was told. But for some reason he's started being more open about specific details about his past. Giving me more info than I would like to be honest.<br><br>I came from a middle class family. We've lived a pretty good life. My dad works a normal office job, my mom used to work in retail but she's retired now and she spends her time painting and drawing and selling them on her own. My dad has also stopped working, so now he just focuses on keeping fit and playing tennis. They're both pretty happy.<br><br>I remember visiting my grandparents house and seeing that it was filled with guns and pictures of my dad in some sort of uniform. Even war gear. But my grandfather was actually in the army, not my dad. My dad doesn't really talk much about his past but now that I'm older he's started to open up.<br><br>Last year we went for a walk in the park and he spent the entire time telling me specific details about how he used to be into some sort of intel work, surveillance or whatever. He would have to go undercover with fake identities and stuff. I'm not really sure how to explain it but basically he would pretend to be a high ranking government official in some major company to get classified information. It also involved a lot of lying to people and making connections with important figures through manipulation. He told me he was good at it too, but it made him feel bad. <br><br>He told me he feels bad because when he was doing that job he had to convince a married man to actually cheat on his wife by telling him that a woman was in love with him when in reality that woman had no idea who he was. He told me he feels bad because he was that woman. He was actually in love with him but he spent two years of his life lying to himself and this other man that she wasn't.<br><br>He told me a lot of other things but I don't remember them all. Mainly just details about his work and what it involved. I felt weird, but okay. My dad has a job, it's not a normal one and sure, but everyone has their jobs. This was the first time I had ever heard a family member talk about their job in such detail. None of my grandparents talk about their past jobs, no one.<br><br>However, last night something actually happened and I'm just so confused and I have no idea what to think. So we went out to eat and we had a great time. My mom was actually the one who brought it up, I guess she knew my dad had been wanting to talk to me. But she was telling me more about my dad's past, all of the bad things that happened and what my dad had to do. <br><br>Apparently my Dad was working in some country and had to help a government overthrow people in power. Apparently he had to help them commit genocide, not directly but he had to give them intel and stuff. Idk. I don't really know what happened but my dad had to help them. This was in the 80s.<br><br>Then my mom told me that my Dad actually had to kill a few people. Directly, with his own hands. She told me he's killed a few people and he's seen people get tortured and killed. She told me my Dad has PTSD and that's why he doesn't like to talk to people.<br><br>I don't know what to think. My Dad seems fine. He's a genuinely happy person that loves to have fun. He's very loving and caring. I don't understand. I know people can have multiple sides or whatever but this is my Father, I don't want to think about him that way. I just don't know what to think.