Idk if I can believe in women anymore.

Some backstory for context: I've recently discovered to have Histrionic Personality Disorder and I suspect that it might be linked to trauma as I was bullied for most of my childhood and adolescence. I also grew up in a broken family with an extremely jealous and possessive mother and an abusive father. I resorted to self harm, went to therapy, and I eventually fell in love with this guy. We've been together for almost a year to this date. He's everything I've ever wanted in a partner. He's been supportive, caring, and understanding. Highly intelligent, very romantic, kind, and handsome. I've confessed to him about my histrionic tendencies and he promised me that he would be my rock. Things that I was afraid of sharing with other people he was very open and receptive to. He was my happily ever after, my soulmate. <br><br>That was all until we had a fight. I've recently expressed to him that I was feeling insecure about my best friend. This best friend of mine has been my closest friend since to this day. She has always been kind and considerate of me but she likes to make out with random guys at parties. I felt to feel insecure at first but she reassured me that she would never pursue anything romantic with him. Fast forward to the fight that me and my bf had, I was feeling off. I was paranoid. It felt like I was on edge. I had a panic attack and confessed that I felt like I was going to lose myself again. I confessed that I felt like burning everything to the ground. I confessed that to him as he was my rock but he turned on me and accused me of not loving myself. He said that I wasn't strong enough for him and that he was not okay with being with someone like me. He raised his voice at me, made me cry, left and went to my friend's house and hooked up with her. Which is what I was afraid of all along. <br><br>Some backstory for context: I've recently discovered to have Histrionic Personality Disorder and I suspect that it might be linked to trauma as I was bullied for most of my childhood and adolescence. I also grew up in a broken family with an extremely jealous and possessive mother and an abusive father. I resorted to self harm, went to therapy, and I eventually fell in love with this guy. We've been together for almost a year to this date. He's everything I've ever wanted in a partner. He's been supportive, caring, and understanding. Highly intelligent, very romantic, kind, and handsome. I've confessed to him about my histrionic tendencies and he promised me that he would be my rock. Things that I was afraid of sharing with other people he was very open and receptive to. He was my happily ever after, my soulmate. <br><br>That was all until we had a fight. I've recently expressed to him that I was feeling insecure about my best friend. This best friend of mine has been my closest friend since to this day. She has always been kind and considerate of me but she likes to make out with random guys at parties. I felt to feel insecure at first but she reassured me that she would never pursue anything romantic with him. Fast forward to the fight that me and my bf had, I was feeling off. I was paranoid. It felt like I was on edge. I had a panic attack and confessed that I felt like I was going to lose myself again. I confessed that I felt like burning everything to the ground. I confessed that to him as he was my rock but he turned on me and accused me of not loving myself. He said that I wasn't strong enough for him and that he was not okay with being with someone like me. He raised his voice at me, made me cry, left and went to my friend's house and hooked up with her. Which is what I was afraid of all along. <br><br>I can't help but feel betrayed, hurt, and defeated. I'm left wondering if I'll ever be good enough. Right now I'm focusing on myself. It's time for me to heal alone.