Some people were born to be parents, but not me

I once believed that I should become a parent.<br><br>I mean, I was raised in a patriarchy, so it made perfect sense for my masculine energy to spend his time as a family provider and breadwinner, to work hard and struggle so that the mother of my children could stay at home and look after the family.<br><br>But I was an idealist about it, I wanted to be the parent that helps to nurture children to achieve their full potential, to help them become healthy functioning adults with a good moral compass and a desire to learn and grow throughout their lives.<br><br>But I’m not a father now. I don’t even have a girlfriend. I don’t even have a job. I was let down by my own parents from a young age, losing my virginity at 12 to a pizza delivery guy who groomed and manipulated me. He was a paedophile, and I was his victim, and so I couldn’t cope with the trauma he inflicted on me, so I started smoking weed and eventually became a drug addict.<br><br>I couldn’t get any qualifications, so the only work I’ve ever done has been as a slave to the capitalist machine, working for the bare minimum so that my bosses could continue to fund their own drug habits.<br><br>But even with all the pain and suffering that I have had to go through in my life, I still didn’t give up on my dreams of becoming a parent. I still believed that I could get a good job, find a good partner, and live a happy life as a father.<br><br>That was until the day my mum’s boyfriend tried to groom me.<br><br>I already knew that he was a paedophile, because he would often ask me intimate questions and touch me inappropriately, and I had to tell him to stop or I would call the police. But I had to live with him, and so every day I lived in fear of what he might do to me, and how I might stop him from abusing me, and I couldn’t get any help because he had already convinced my mum that I was lying, that I was making it all up to ruin his reputation.<br><br>So on the day that he finally tried to groom me, I thought it was the end. I was trapped in my own bedroom, unable to go outside because I didn’t know what he might do to me, and I didn’t know who I could turn to for help.<br><br>I was so scared, and I just wanted it to stop. So I took some pills and went to bed, hoping that all my troubles would just disappear.<br><br>But they didn’t disappear, they only got worse. I couldn’t even get a good night’s sleep without him taking advantage of me, sneaking into my room in the middle of the night and touching me while I was vulnerable.<br><br>I felt violated again, and this time it was too much for me to handle on my own. So I reached out for help, but not to my mum, because I already knew that she would just side with him.<br><br>I reached out to my sister, but she didn’t even answer my call, so I was left all alone again, with no choice but to call the police.<br><br>When they came, they asked me if I could identify all the people who had abused me. I told them that there were three of them, my mum’s boyfriend and the two paedophiles who had groomed me when I was 12.<br><br>But the police didn’t listen to me. They didn’t even think of me as a victim, and so they told me that I couldn’t identify my abusers, that I couldn’t remember their names or their faces, and that I couldn’t even trust my own memories.<br><br>They treated me like I was the bad person, they made me look like a liar, and they even said that I had raped my mum’s boyfriend, that I had manipulated him and touched him inappropriately when he was asleep.<br><br>I’m not a rapist, I’m a victim, and I know that I was just defending myself, that I was trying to get justice for the abuse that I had suffered. So I kept fighting, no matter how hard they tried to silence me."<br><br>I know that all this has gone on for far too long, and so I need to end it now. I need to say what I really want to say.<br><br>I hate women.<br><br>I hate the patriarchy that makes me feel like I’m less of a man because I’m a victim of abuse. I hate the matriarchy that makes me feel like I’m responsible for my own abuse because I’m not manly enough or masculine enough.<br><br>I hate my mum for protecting her paedophile boyfriend and making me look like a liar. I hate my sister for not answering my calls and not being there for me when I needed her.<br><br>I hate the police for not believing me and not giving me justice. I hate the courts for not prosecuting my abusers and not giving me the compensation I deserve.<br><br>I hate the patriarchy for making me feel like I’m not a man, and I hate the matriarchy for making me feel like I’m responsible for my own abuse.<br><br>I hate women, and I don’t care if you call me a misogynist. Being called a misogynist is nothing compared to the abuse I’ve suffered at the hands of women, so I will keep on hating women until I get the justice I deserve.<br><br>I might not be a father, but I’m still a man, and I will continue to fight for justice, no matter how many women I have to hate along the way."