I’m putting my dog down today because of what he ate

Firstly sorry for the long post, I wrote this as I waited for the vet to call me back to discuss the next steps and because I need to talk to someone about it. I’m just after calling my vet and they have confirmed that my dog has definitely eaten anti depressants (2 weeks ago) and that it has damaged her kidneys. She has stage 3 kidney disease which isn’t curable. I know it’s my fault and I’m so bloody angry with myself. I have cried buckets in the car (thank god I work from home and have an understanding manager) thankfully she hasn’t had any symptoms and her level of suffering is very minimal. I have made an appointment to get it done tomorrow. <br><br>I’m so fucking angry with myself. I’m 38 and never had any issues with my dogs before. I’m so glad my eldest is fine it truly could have been both of them. (2 weeks ago) I always give my dogs a treat after dinner. My youngest is a very ‘curious’ dog in that she finds things she shouldn’t have and eats them. I have never had any issues with this before and my vet has always said that she is very lucky that she has never had an issue (this is now what I keep thinking about when I should be angry at myself) I have dog proofed my home as much as possible and have left nothing on the floor. I’m so fucking angry.<br><br>2 weeks ago, I popped into an NHS clinic with my eldest dog- he had an ear issue and one of the doctors had a dog and specialises in this ‘on the side’- he is a lovely guy and I thought it would be nice to get him checked out as one of his ears are a bit floppy (his other ear is fine) while we were there and we had spare time we went for a little walk in the park in my car. (I’m disabled) I have to move my car around constantly and there was a car park I could pull into for a few minutes.<br><br>I left my car unlocked, I never normally do this but it was a carpark and I was going to stay in the car- it was safe enough (so I thought) I was going to be back in the car in 5 minutes. I had 2 purses in the front seat - my large everyday purse (with cash and cards etc) and a small bag I was going to use at the clinic. I was going to drive them up to the entrance but it was one of those places where there isn’t anywhere to pull over and drop someone off. So I dropped them off in the carpark and took my car round to park it. <br><br>We came back and my youngest had her front paws on my eldest’s window, her head on the side of the car and she was whining. Something had clearly happened- I just didn’t think there was a problem. I’m presuming someone went through my car while we were gone it was 5 minutes- I just never thought this could happen and in hindsight, I can see there was a problem. It’s just a basic car it’s not nice there’s nothing of value in it and thankfully there isn’t a scratch on it. There was also nothing for them to steal that way. I’m guessing it was kids that were bored. <br><br>My youngest is a scavenger- she eats anything. We came back and my car was upside down but I thought she had done it (I have just learned she cannot ‘smell’ things- she’s just a weird dog) I looked around the car and noticed the contents of my small bag were on the seats. There was a pack of ibuprofen that I had taken out of my everyday purse as the bottle was too big to fit in the small bag. I didn’t think about it again. <br><br>I’ve spent the last two weeks wondering if this had happened. I just can’t believe I didn’t deal with it straight away. I didn’t take my youngest to the vet (I did my eldest and put it it down to an ear infection- he is thankfully now fine) I thought about ‘new years resolution’ and decided that this year I’m going to drive myself crazy with ‘what ifs’ I can’t live my life thinking someone put something in my car it’s just not possible it was only 5 minutes- what could they have done?<br><br>2 weeks have passed and I went ‘fuck it’ this morning and took my youngest to the vet and asked them to do a blood test. I wasn’t expecting anything to come of it.<br><br>I’m just posting this as I’m in bits (excuse the formatting and sentences that are cut off)- I just can’t believe I’m in this situation. It’s so fucking stupid and I have cried buckets. My dog is fine and she’s going to be ok, I’m able to do this at a time when she doesn’t have to suffer. It’s just so fucking frustrating that I have made a mistake- it’s my fault. I just can’t believe it.<br><br>2 weeks ago I made a mistake and thought ‘fuck it’ and now my dog is going to die. I’m a good dog owner- my dogs have a good life- they live in a house in a lovely quiet street with a garden. I take them on walks and play with them every day- I take care of them. I know I’m not a bad dog owner I just have really bad luck. <br><br>I’m just posting this as I would have never thought ‘what if’ and what if my dog had eaten something? I’m very angry with myself. That’s all.<br><br>Tldr my dog ate anti depressants and I’m putting her down tomorrow. My fault.