im not happy to be alive

im 21 years old, not truly suicidal, but i wish i was never born or could just cease to exist at any given time.<br><br>i never had any friends in high school. everyone i knew from middle school just became popular and i was left in the dust. the only time i ever had friends were 5th and 6th grade, and those friendships went to shit when 5th grade ended.<br><br>i never went to the parties in high school despite being invited. didnt know the foam pit parties were a thing til they ended lol. didnt have a bf or gf or any experience with that sort of thing.<br><br>i had 1 friend in college, but after my first year, they transferred to a different school. now i spend every day alone, not truly happy about anything.<br><br>im going to therapy. ive talked to my parents about this, the therapist about this, but all they say is "hang in there" or "it gets better." i dont want it to get better, i dont want to exist at all lol.<br><br>i never enjoy time with my family, or friends, or by myself. i never have. im not sure how 2 methods of coping and 2 people i trust dont know how to help me feel better. idk man, im happy if u feel happy to be alive or something, i guess.