I want to hate my pregnant mother, but I want to love her more for the child she is giving birth to, but I ressent her for not loving me.

I'm 23 years old and i have to live with my mother because I lost my job and I have no money. I feel pathetic and I feel like killing her, my mother is so stupid, she doesn't care about my well-being, at 6 am she would make so much noise that it would wake me up and ruin my sleep, she tells me how she doesn't like my way of living, she tells me I'm a loser, she makes me feel bad even though I'm trying my best to improve myself, I feel like a loser because I don't have a job or money. It's so hard for me and I ressent her so much for not being able to love me. I ressent her even more now because she is pregnant and she has already lost two children, I'm so scared I will lose my little brother, my mother is 37 years old and she smokes and drinks like a fool, she goes to the doctor and they keep telling her that her baby is going to die if she keeps doing this, I'm afraide of losing my baby brother, I want to hate her so much but I feel like i want to love her more now that she has a child, I feel like I want to protect her now. I feel so stupid.