Is it wrong that I don't want to be the "dad"?

My wife is 40, I'm 31. I have 3 kids aged 1,2 and3. I love the kids, but my wife makes decisions about them without consulting me, and since I don't have a job that pays the same as hers, I'm mostly a stay at home dad.<br><br>She goes out with her friends, mostly unwed and unattached, and she goes on vacations with them as well. I had one vacation this year since January, and it was just for 3 days to watch a show I enjoy, by myself.<br><br>I feel like the nanny, not dad. I asked her to make a small attempt to recognize that I'm not a child or "lesser" than her, but all I get is "You don't understand, I'm a woman. I go out to unwind", but I'm responsible for the kids and home 24/7, I don't get to unwind.<br><br>I don't want to be "the dad" all the time. I want the kids to have two parents, not a nurturing mom and a strict dad, but I want to be equal. I don't want to be constantly reminded that I "asked for" this life. I don't feel valued, I feel like I'm being treated like a farm animal, where all that matters is my "productivity", and I want to be valued as a partner, not an employee.<br><br>What can I do to get her to understand this? How do I make her see that I'm not "the help", but a loving partner and father?<br><br>EDIT: Holy hell this blew up. I'll answer a few FAQs here, since I don't have time to reply to everyone.<br><br>1: I'm Asian, and since we live in Asia, it's culturally customary for the man to provide and the woman to look after the kids. In my case, she makes more, so I'm caring for the kids. I'm not a stay at home dad, I work a remote job, but I'm also caring for the kids because I'm at home.<br><br>2: I'm not trying to participate in activities I don't want to do. I don't like shopping or going to Spas, but when I joined my wife for a trip and tried to talk about something I like (comic books), I'm met with weird looks because she's with her friends who are unattached, and they find me strange. I don't want to be treated like a farm animal, only valued for my productivity, I want to be valued as a partner.<br><br>3: I feel like my story is being hijacked by men who want to justify their lack of productivity. I'm not a burden to my wife and kids, I work and I take care of the kids. Sure, I don't work the high paying job, but I still earn a living and work my ass off to provide for my family. I'm not shiftless, I'm not lazy.<br><br>4: I'm not asking for my wife to do more, I'm asking for her to recognize my contributions. She's 100% correct that as a man, I can't be a mother, I don't carry babies, I don't breast feed, I don't ovulate. I can't do the things she does. But that doesn't mean I want to work 8 hours a week and watch Spider-Man on loop and play video games. I want to see my kids grow up, I want to be there for them at every moment, and I want to be an equal.<br><br>5: I'm not trying to be treated differently, I'm trying to be treated equally. My wife keeps saying "I don't think you understand, it's hard being a mom", but she refuses to see that I'm also struggling. We have a chore chart divided evenly, she does 70% of the housework and I do 30%, but she insists on doing more. I appreciate that, and I want to be a good husband, but I don't show appreciation as she does. I'm not good with words, I show affection by helping.<br><br>6: I also get that my wife is tired. I get that she's worn out and wants to rest. I feel that way too, but I don't go on vacations without her. I do want to make it clear that I'm not against her vacations, but I want to make it clear that I don't want to plan our vacations together. I don't go to Spas, I don't go shopping, I don't go to the beach. I want to go to a comic book convention, I want to go to a sports game, I want to go to a concert. I want to do things I like too, but I don't want to drag her to them.<br><br>Last night, I wrote a long letter explaining everything I've said here, and how I feel and what I want, and she read it. She says she'll try to be more considerate, but I want to hear from people.<br><br>What do you think? I don't want to be mom, but I don't want to be seen as inferior either.<br><br>EDIT: Holy hell, I woke up this morning and this post has blown up. I didn't expect this, and I apologize if anything I wrote was unclear.<br><br>My wife messaged me this morning saying she'd like to talk about the post, and she said she'd try to understand me more.<br><br>Thank you to everyone who commented. I'll make sure to update everyone on the situation.<br><br>EDIT:<br>***FINAL UPDATE*** Things are better. My wife is more communicative about scheduling, she lets me choose some of the activities for family day too. It's not perfect, but it's better. Counseling helped a lot, and we're both on the same page about the kids and our marriage. Thanks for all your advice, and I'm glad things worked out.<br><br>***UPDATE*** So my wife read the comments, and she agreed to go to counseling. I'm pretty happy, and things are improving. Thanks to everyone for your input and advice.